Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Going back to my roots - Oh I am getting serious now

I made this when I was 9 in church craft lessons.  It was the first thing I sewed and I have had it with me always.  It was stood on MaxiMads bedside table and is now in the kitchen, as he wants one without yellow!!  Oh fickle child.



The thing is that I loved sewing and crafting as a child, but then I grew up and got all serious with life.  A career and fantastic holidays abroad.  I got all consumptive and driven my consumerism and wants.

Life is different now, having children has awakened my need to make, to craft, to be and to love.  I find that I no longer want things, but I do need things.  I have grown up again in so many ways, but it feels like I have re-evaluated what is important to me (yes having a brush with death will do that to you).  I want to make things that will bring recognition and a touch of nostalgia to my family.  I want to hold the things I have made with love and infuse in them all the joy being with my family brings me.

I find that now I have children, I have a longing to provide, not a lifestyle, but a life, to bring them up to have the right values, to hold their family and friends dear to them close and to breath in...................... the contentment of being with the people who you love and love you back.

The thing is all this cost money and that is something that we are lacking at the moment.  I try hard to balance the books, but with being ill and MadDad having to take unpaid time off work to look after me and the mini's, the car failing its MOT, school shoes and all the other things that you require just to get through the month like food getting more expensive, things are just not adding up.

This is heartbreakingly hard to deal with, I need to be at home to look after the mini's, we don't have the support of family to be childcare, therefore, any wage I earn would be eaten up by childcare costs (especially as minimad is only at preschool 2 hours per day).  So we are in a pickle to say the least. 

MadDad is going to try and do more overtime, but there is a huge payoff with that as the boys so miss their daddy and we moved back North so that he didn't have to work all the hours God sent.  Also I am going back into hospital in November, so he will again have to take unpaid time off to look after me and the children again.  I am losing sleep over this at the moment, in fact I have just come home from a long walk and many tears over this.  The thing is I can not see any way out of this, other than a mortgage holiday.  I tried to give back my mobile phone today (I hardly ever use it), but I am still in contract.

So you lovely people out there, what do you do to make ends meet, what sacrifices have you made and what ideas do you have?

I know that I am lucky, I have just been up to watch my boys sleep, to see their chests rise and fall and to breath in their smell.  We will manage, I am not saying it will be easy, but that's what being an adult is all about.  I want the minimads to be children for as long as possible, so will shed my tears in private and on my walks in the dark when MadDad gets home.





7 comments:

Tara said...

Ack. So so sorry to hear how all this has landed in your lap.
I am so thankful that I live near family because I know how difficult it would be without them to support us.
Truly I don't know what to say except that I'm thinking of you and I hope and pray things get sunnier soon for you.

TheMadHouse said...

Oh I am sorry for that self centred post. Things will be fine, as they have to be. We will manage. I will take all the prayers and thoughts I can get though!!

Karen said...

Despite your obviously stressful situation, you still manage to be positive. It's hard, and there isn't really a magic answer, perhaps the best suggestion I could make would be to find things that are cheap and nutritious to cook. I don't think you live too far from me, so I would like to offer any practical help or support that you need. Is there a way to PM on this format? Thinking of you, Karen,x.

Bare Naked Mummy said...

I'm with you on this - my dh lost his job last year and has been unemployed since then and I don't even know where to start with Christmas.

I know eveyrone says that money isn't everything but when you have none and cannot get any benefits (apparently I earn too much!) then sometimes it is.
I'm with Karen on the cheap and nutritious cooking - and I have managed to stretch a roast chicken for 3 meals so far this week - roast dinner, sandwiches and a curry!

Keep smiling (blogging is a good way to get rid of some stress), hope everything else goes well.

Big Bare Naked Mummy Hugs
x

MuddynoSugar said...

Hi, my thoughts are with you.
I am trying to have a thrifty Christmas, making stuff with the kids, drying herbs from the garden..that sort of thing. Try selling stuff on eBay, could MadDad go into your roof and dig out the wedding presents you never liked or used? One man's rubbish is another mans treasures...I hope everything goes well for you and all your wishes come true.

TheMadHouse said...

We are going to do a car boot sale on Sunday.

Muddy - We actaually use all our wedding presents, but have been married so long that they are aging like us too!!!

Thank you all for the kind words. I am feeling much more positive that we will manage. I guess I was scared, I still am.

Kelly said...

Hi, just wondering if you have tried to find out if Mad Dad would be eligible for any benefits as a carer if caring for you?

I hope you find a solution that works.

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