My Priorities - Should our children fit in?

Way back when I had pink hair and lived my life in the minute I never thought I would be conventional.  I left home at 16 due to me and mum clashing and not agreeing on my "lifestyle" choices!  Back then I wanted to be different, I didn't want to fit it, I didn't want to become another ant on a large planet of ants, I wanted to be someone and I was happy to stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I was never the easiest child or teenager, I would rebel against convention, against expectations and would be difficult for difficult's sake, I was the black sheep of the family.  I was the one pinching the home brew pina colada from the wardrobes in  the garage and drinking then under the cinema on the beech or at the park.  I wouldn't do any homework and I skived off senior school.  

Everything was boring or normal and I was sick of living a stepford life and felt constrained by living in the town I did with the friends I had and I wanted more.

Then I met MadDad and everything changed.  I didn't need the pink hair or the outrageous behaviour (which was always a front), as I had him.  We got married and relocated to Berkshire and we lived a great life.

We had fantastic holidays, worked hard and lived life to the full coping with the potholes in the road on our way (my Dad dying, the numerous miscarries and health issues) and I started to live a conventional life.

The the minimads came along and we decided that we wanted them to grow up back in the north east close to our family and the beautiful North Yorkshire coast and country side.  I have become Mrs Conventional, not that that is an issue, but I already see my boys struggling against convention.

I see Mini not wanting to wear a school uniform, both of them not wanting short hair like the other boys and start to wonder when they will start pulling against the boundaries of society.  How to I encourage them to have their own opinions in life and to be their own men.  School doesn't allow for children to be different and my children are different.

Maxi is mathematics mad, he is a natural leader and old beyond his years in some ways, but also he is a typical 5 year old boy in others.  He loves being boisterous, playing tig and building dens, but he also loves working out how things work and wants to know how many miles are there between each planet and how much hotter the planets closer to the sun are.

Mini is already realising that he is different to the children in his class, he is having to go and get his reading books from Maxi's class and spends time reading to the TA.  Yes he can read, but he can not write and shows no interest in learning yet.  Give the boy a chance he is only just 4.  

Maxi has been chosen to take part in a special project at school (funded due to the fact he was assessed for Speech Therapy) called Achievement for All.  Initially I didn't see how my son would fit in to this project as is aims are to raise the aspirations for children and a lot of the children on the project need their confidence raised.  So I went to meet this the team implementing the project to discuss their hopes for Maxi and also what and how their thought he would gain from the project.

It turns out that they have talked to Maxi teachers and think that the project will really help Maxi, that it will hone his natural leadership skills and that his educational outcomes will be based on that and also focusing on his writing, which could do with some improvement (It isn't bad for a five year old).

The first part of the project will be music based and I will have the opportunity to go in to school once a week (Wednesday afternoons) and share in his experiences and work alongside him.  The team feel that moving Maxi from the classroom, will keep him more challenged and also help him feel less different from the other children.  But he is different from the other children, all children are unique and I am not sure how I feel about this.  It has raised all sorts of issues and thoughts for me.

Yes my boys are clever, I have discussed this before, but for me it isn't everything.  They are 4 and 5 years old.  They need to be happy, yes part of that is keeping them challenged and inspired, but also isn't it about letting them know that it is OK to be different, to be unique. 

It seems to me as this is the start of what is to be a long road through their schooling and childhood.  How do other parents cope?

The Gallery - An Apple Tree

This apple tree is 3 years old, we planted it after we moved in and started work on the garden.  It is small and only bore 6 fruits last year, but this year its branched are bowed under the weight of its fruit.

For me this feel like parenting, sometimes you feed the children, nurture and look after them and it feels like they are just ignoring your advice, but then it just happens.  It clicks and there is please and thank you without prompting.

Frugalicious Food = Frugal + Delicious

Myself and Cass from Diary of a Frugal Family have decided to start up a food blog - Frugaliscious Food.

Frugal + Delicious = Frugalicious.

You can find us on twitter to @frugaliscious_

We are looking for guest posts too, so if you have a great receipe, then please let either one of us know.

Cooking with Children - Lamb Stir-Fry

 We were given a some welsh lamb and the ingredients to make a welsh lamb stir fry from the Cool2Cook2 book which has been produced by Meat Promotion Wales (Hybu Cig Cymru) to help get kids cooking.

I love getting the boys in the kitchen, so we set about following the recipe on Saturday evening.  The boys chopped all the vegetables, whilst I did the ginger and MadDad prepared the lamb, which was welsh and organic.

I have to say that the recipe was really easy to follow and the boys did the majority of the work, with me and MadDad supervising.

We really enjoyed it and there was 4 empty bowls at the end of the evening.  In fact the boys enjoyed it so much that we made Lamb Kofta Kebabs out of the book for Sunday dinner.

They went down a treat.  If you can get hold of this cook book then I would, it has some very easy, well balanced recipes in it and the MiniMads want to try them all and I can see it being used time and time again, especially when they are a little older and I can get them to cook dinner for us all!

Spiritual Sunday - Grateful

I am so grateful to Interflora who sent be a bouquet of flowers just because they like my blog.  They even matched them to the blog colours too.

I am grateful that it is my mums 67th Birthday today, after her hospitalisation and all that came with it earlier in the year, I didn't think we would get this far and we have and she is doing really well.  

I am grateful that she got on to a special COPD trial at the local hospital, even though it makes me taking her twice a week.

I am grateful that we have had a week of Mini going to school without any tears and tantrums.

I am grateful for heating on a cold Sunday morning.

I am grateful for the wonderful friends I have made blogging and on twitter for the support I have been given with Mini starting school.

I am grateful that my Brothers MIL may be released from hospital next week, she has made a miraculous recovery. 

What are you grateful for this week?

Mourning more than the children being at school

Since I am laying it all bare about how I feel about the boys being at school, it is only fare that I really admit as to why I feel so bad.

Back in July 2008 I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, an oophorectomy is the technical term.  As you may know I carry a genetic spelling mistake which makes me very high risk for a number of cancers.  My Aunt died from ovarian cancer and my other Aunt who had already had a hysterectomy had primary peritoneal cancer (she is currently in remission).  So my risk of ovarian cancer was over a 60% lifetime risk.

We talked to specialists, McMillan and my family and we knew that the risk of contracting ovarian caner increased if I still had my ovaries when I was over 35.  Also ovarian cancer is a silent killer.  Woman tend to be stage 4 before they are even diagnosed, as its symptoms are often just passed off as women's problems.   Also there is not an effective screening programme for it in the UK.

So we made the very hard decision for me to undergo surgery.  This decision was harder than the one to have the mastectomy.  My children were hard come by, I had numerous miscarriages and difficulties when pregnant with both the boys, but we always wanted more.  We discussed when we got married that we would love to have 4 children at least.  But we made the choice that it would be better to be alive for the children we already had rather than take a big risk and try for more children.

I though that I was happy with this decision and it is only since Mini has started school that I realise that I am mourning, not only by gorgeous handsome boys being at school, but I am also mourning the loss of future potential children that we might have had.  I am mourning the life I always thought I would have.

The Gallery - A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home

I have said before that my main motivation for my boys is happiness, I think that if you are happy you can do anything, take on any challenge and be what ever you want to be.  

Also I find happiness infectious, a smile can light up a room, so for me picking out images that reflect this weeks Gallery was hard, not because I didn't have many to chose from, rather I have lots of images with smiles on.

So enter our world for a moment, Mini is using my hoodie to be Obi-Wan_Kenobi, who is is here (well after MadDad) and the other photo is one of a series of out takes on the first day of school, where the boys couldn't stop laughing!

Electronics - where do you draw the line or how much is too much?

We have a lot of technology in TheMadHouse, lots of electronic gadgets, gizmo's and games, but for my sanity I we are introducing technology free time.

It has never been an issue for us in the past, but both the boys are getting to an age where they would gladly play on the Wii, their leapsters, Daddy's ipod touch or the PS2 for all their waking hours.  We are getting tantrums when they are told "no more electronic time".  We have never had to ration it in the past but that is where we are headed.

So we are going to be changing the rules on our reward system and the boys will be able to exchange their points for more than just things in Mummy's shop they will also be able to exchange them for time on the wii, PC or an electronic gadget.  We already work on the premise of no screen time after 6pm, after I read some where that it helps them switch off in time for bed.

 I don't think I am going to be in for an easy ride from the boys and this is not a decision we have taken lightly, but we are going to try.  I am aware that it is going to be hard for me too, as it means no PC or twitter for me too once they are home from school.  It also means that I can not bribe the boys or use the wii as an easy option to stop them fighting, but I am hoping it enhances all our days.

We are also going to have one whole day at the weekend which is technology free after 9am.  This shouldn't be too difficult as we always have a least one family day at the weekend.

I am doing this now, as I don't want to end up with teenage boys who are glued to their screens and have no conversational skill at all.

So wish me luck and where do you stand on the how much is too much line?

The odd one out

I have that follow feeling in my tummy, the one I describe to the boys as butterflies, but truth be told it isn't.  It is a physical pain caused by dropping them off at the school door each morning.  At least today Mini went in without the tears and upset of last week, at least Maxi always runs to be in, but I walk away with a heavy heart and a hollow emptiness that nothing can fill.

I used to have a career when we lived down South, I was a successful Facilities Manager and my colleagues were shocked by the fact that I was pregnant.  I was the most un-maternal woman in the building, but my love for  my boys has been a slow burner.  I never had a POW feeling when they were born.  They never swept me off my feet with a barrage of warm feelings, but these feelings have grown and developed as I have had the pleasure of learning to be a parent and now I am consumed with overwhelming and unconditional love for them both.  There are days when I might not like them, but I do and always will love them.

I enjoy their company and the time we spend doing, making, playing, baking and just being together.  I fear I am becoming a bore, a lonely, sad mother.  Yes that is what the issue is I am lonely.  I do have friends here, but they have both just gone full time at work, so I am left on my own during the day and I am sad.

I am looking for part time work to help pass the time and to try and make new friends, but it easier said than done.  I have applied for positions, only to be told I am over qualified and to be left feeling even more worthless than I feel anyway.  Before now I have only ever had positive interviews, but I live in an area of high unemployment and my skills although transferable are not as sought after as they should be.  Coupled with the fact that I want to collect the boys from school, well it makes getting a job pretty much impossible (or that is the feeling I have).

So on Wednesday I start 2 mornings a week helping out with the reception children at the school and I am looking forward to it.  I hope that it will help lift my mood and stop me coming home with tears in my eyes.

Worse still are the people who say take some time to do things you want to do, well I WANT to be with my children, I don't want to pamper myself or go for a run, I want to cuddle my boys.  I want to wallow in this self pity.  I don't want to clean the house or do the ironing.  I want to go to the park and find shells with the boys on the beach.  I want more children, which I can not have.

I am mourning the loss of her children.  The woman who has marked the calender and is looking forward in an unnatural way to half term.  I listen to the other mums talking about their children being at school and I feel nothing in common with them at all.  I do not relish the start of the school day or dread the clock ticking closer to collection time, in fact I feel the opposite and look forward to collecting the boys and visiting the park.

So in a lot of ways I guess I am the odd one out.

Wonderful Whitby Abbey

We are lucky enough to live a mere 20 minutes away from Whiby and thankfully the boys love the place as much as MadDad and I do.  We take every opportunity to escape the humdrum and melt in to the old fashioned perfectness of Whitby, but we don't often go to the Abbey, in fact I can not remember the last time we went.

So on Friday as the sun was shining, school had not yet started and MAdDad was off, plus we were looking after my 5 year old niece (as her Nanna is terminally ill), so we decided Whitby was where we were going.

We loved it, yes it is often windy, but it is a fantastic place to explore and allow the children to be free.  I have to say that we have been members on English Heritage since Maxi was born and I love visiting with the boys. 

We took a picnic and some books and had a wonderful relaxing visit.

TheMads go Mad at Butlins

As I was going to be at TheMads we decided to make it a family break and take the children to Butlins, now I have never ever been to Butlins and the last time MadDad went was over 35 years ago, so I think we had preconceived ideas.

We stayed in the Shorline hotel and I have to say I was super impressed with the size and layout of the rooms.  The boys room area had junior bunkbeds and a TV and DVD player, which showed children's TV channels.  The room had a big fridge and also tea and coffee making facilities.  It was perfect.  The only issue we had was that our package didn't include breakfast and that would have been £30 for the four of us in the hotel, but that didn't put us off, we took advantage of the large fridge and had cereal and milk!

The first thing the boys wanted to experience was the pool and experience it we did!  In our two days at Butlins we spent more time in the pool than anywhere else.  We were wrinkly prunes, but the boys adored it and so did we.  Maxi got to go on 3 of the slides as he was the right height and Mini enjoyed the children slides and also the white slide too.  My only gripe about the pool is that there is nowhere to hang your towels in the shower area and we like to wash our hair after being in the pool.  During the days we either spent our time in the pool or the play area outside.  The boys didn't go on any of the rides at all, although they did spend an hour in the indoor soft play.

I have to say I was pretty apprehensive about the entertainment.  I had visions of young children being entertained whilst the parents all had a drink and left them too it (not that there is anything wrong with that, its just not my cup of tea).  Well I needn't have worried.  The little ones entertainment is in the pavilion and there is a stage in the centre and a coffee area where parents and children can sit.

The boys had so much fun, they watched Barney, acrobats and got involved in all the drumming.   If they are happy, then we are happy and as parents of young children neither of us want to have a hangover, so a nice coffee went down fine with us.

We ate at Papa John, which is a pizza place and offers a buffet service between 5 and 7, which was perfect for us and the children.  It meant they could have as much salad and pizza as they liked (it was £7.75 for adults and £3.75 for children)

So my verdict, well I am going to leave it to Maxi this time "Can I live here Mummy?"

The Mads - I love my fellow nominees

We have just got back from the inaugural Mads ceremony at Butlins Bognor and I have to say I have had a fantastic time.  The event itself was amazing, celebrating everything good.  You can see a list of the  Mads nominees and the winners here, but I wanted to use this post to tell you about the e-mails that were sent and received the day before the event.

So ladies - tomorrow it's handbags at dawn ;) as one of us emerges victorious: Queen of Family Fun. I'm still amazed I made the final and feel honoured to be in such great company. I think we all share very similar philosophies about what family fun and childhood is all about. I'd kind of forgotten the MADs are a competition and it seems a bit silly for us all to be in a heat together. I just wanted to say well done to all of us for having blogs that people read and enjoy.

Jen and Pippa - hope you have a fantastic time at the awards. I really wish I was coming as I'd love to see you both again. Victoria - meet you at the virtual bar?

Cathy xx (Nuturestore)

I so agree with you Cathy, I feel very honored to be in the final and to have you wonderful ladies there too makes it oh so much more special.  I have made so many wonderful friends though blogging and count you three ladies right up there at the top.

 

I don't care who wins, we are all winners really, what is fantastic is that who ever it is - it will be a stand up blog and a great example of what a family fun blog should and can be.

 

Good luck to us all and hope to see you on twitter!

 

Love
 
Jen (me)

 

Thank you Cathy. I feel the same. And while obviously I would be honoured to win, I can genuinely say that I would not feel in the least put out to lose to any of you. Which is a very nice situation to be in. See you at the virtual bar!

Victoria xx (Its a small world after all)

I was trying to think of something funny to say that would make you all laugh, and then realise how funny I am (I am really funny) but I couldn't think of anything that didn't make me sound like a complete idiot who was up her own bottom.

 

So instead I shall go for soppy.

 

I was so chuffed when I was named a finalist, but then seeing who my fellow finalists were I did then realise that this wasn't about winning this was about celebration. I love that we all got through to the finals, because all of us are about family fun and its not just one aspect, I think between us we pretty much have the market sewn up!

 

Whoever wins will deserve it and as much as I hope that it is me, I won't mind if it is any of you guys either. Well maybe not you... Anyway I hope that you will all join me in a toast via our email right now to us lovely ladies and to being finalists.

 

Mwah to you all

 

Pips (A Mothers Ramblings)

Stape - Our Secret Place

I have blogged before about our secret favorite place.  Well we have been back and it was magical as always.

The water was lower and my Niece took a tumble, but all we could here were the birds and the slow, slow trickle of water.

We drank tea from the flask and water and I drunk in the boys playing together, imagination running wild and Enid Blyton childhood I want for them.

Long may it continue.

Why We Need More Male Primary School Teachers

I spent Thursday night at 9pm glued to BBC2 watching their School season, more specifically Gareth Malone's Extraordinary School for Boys.

It highlighted what is a real worry for me the feminising of teaching and the lack of male teachers in our primary schools.  According to a recent piece in the telegraph am only make up 12% of of the teachers in primary schools.

As a mum of two boys I find this a worry statistics and would love for my boys to go to a primary school where the teaching mix was much more appropriate to the society we live in.

We are lucky in the Maxi has a Male teacher for Year 1 and also had a male teacher in Preschool, but there are no more male teachers at the school and there are no male teaching assistants at all.

Why are male teachers important?

I often though that the reason boys and girls were different was due to their upbringing, but being a mum to two boys has been a real eye opener for me. I realise that they are completely wired differently and need different things to girls and I feel that we need to take this in to account when teaching them.

Boys need positive make role models, they need to be able to let off steam.  They need their differences to be embraced, but to be made to learn like girls.

Anyway back to the programme, what struck me so much was that they boys were really engaged, they interacted to Gareth and they were happy.  They were not stuck in some apathetic state.

I spent some time on twitter too and it was amazing the number of people who all agree that we need more male primary school teachers and that boys need a different approach to girls.

I am so looking forward to the rest of the program on Thursday.

I am on my Way to The Mads, well I will be on Monday

On Monday we will be on our way to Butlins at Bognor Regis for the finals of TheMads 2010, where I am a finalist in the Best Family Fun Blog.

Name: Jen

Blog: www.muminthemadhouse.com

Twitter: @mum_themadhouse

What am I going to be wearing? Clothes, yes, shallow I know, but I have no idea!

I would really like to say thank you to everyone that voted for me and we are all really looking forward to going to Butlins, as we have never, ever been before (and one of Maxi's classmates told him it was better than Disney)!

The Winds of Change

Change, that words sweeps a world of emotion over me at this time. It makes me feel a little scared, a little worried, a little apprehensive for what will be, for you see my world is turning and changing.  My whole family is experiencing the winds of change.

I have lost my youngest companion, my wonderful Mini to school this week and it is a huge change in my life.

My balance is off, my sense of direction skewed and I am not sure which way I should be facing.

For you see, my child, my wonderful confident, happy child has embraced this change in his life with open arms and gone running in to the unknown to breathe in all he can.  To learn new skills, make new friends, experience new things, to learn to be still in life and to also use the life lessons I have spend the last four years instilling in him.  He makes me proud, proud that he is confident enough in himself to feel the joy of newness.

Maxi too is being stellar about the change from Reception to Year one, which is some ways is harder than the transition Mini is going through from preschool to reception.  Maxi now has a timetable, regular break times and regular lessons throughout the week.  He has more responsibilities within the class structure too.  He is relishing the changes and is enjoying being back at school. 

But for me it is harder, I put on a brave face, a happy front and will not allow them to see my feelings or to pick up on my anxieties, for these are mine not their to be concerned about.

So what of me, well I am trying to put my best foot forward and look at this change as an opportunity.  A beginning, yes the beginning of the new me.  I am still looking for part time paid work (writing, PA, sewing, anything for some extra money), but in the interim I will be going in to school twice a week and baking with the 90 reception class children.  3 children at a time, so hopefully I will have baked with them all by Christmas. 

I am going to be making biscuits with them and some of these children will have never baked before.  Many of them will think that biscuits come from a packet.  We live in Teesside, which is where the BBC predict the public spending cuts to hit hardest.

This post was inspired by this weeks writing workshop over at Sleep is for the week and more speicfically by the work that Sian, Mummy-Tips Josie, Sleep is for the Weak and Eva, Nixdminx  are doing on behalf of Save the Children

Every year almost 9 million children under the age of five die, most of them from preventable illnesses such as diarrhoea, pneumonia and malaria.

At the end of September Nick Clegg will be at the UN Summit in New York. Ten years ago world leaders set targets, called Millennium Development Goals , to reduce poverty, hunger and disease.  So please sign  the petition to get Nick Clegg to push for commitment to the targets at the UN Summit.  Lets make change happen for the people less fortunate than us.

My Top Tips for Starting School

I feel like an expert, now I have survived the first four days of both the boys going to school, so I am compiling my top tips for starting school, so I can remember them for next year (oh and look back on them after the each half term break)!


School clothes

I have the boys school clothes hung in their wardrobes in sets and they get them out the night before along with a pair of underpants and socks.  I also get my own clothes out the night before. 

School shoes

I am a big fan of the spray on protector and then we use good old leather polish.  The boys help me clean their shoes every Friday, yes it can be messy but a lot of fun too.

School Bag and Coat

We have hangers at child's eye level and I make the children hang up their coats when the come in from school.  We also have a set place for their book bags too.

Dinner Money

Many schools will accept dinner money, weekly, monthly or on a term by term basis.   I pay monthly, that way I don't have to worry about change every Monday morning.  The same with snack money.

Dates

I swear by my Organised Mum Family Calender, which runs from September until the following December and I love using the stickers that come with it.   I make sure I record the whole school years dates on it as soon as I get them.  I also record class mates birthdays etc the week before they take place so that I get cards and presents sorted.

Exercise, fresh air and sustenance is important after school

I always find that the boys behave pretty well at school (I know I am not sure who they swap them with), but they do need to let off steam afterwards, so I make sure that weather permitting we go home via the park and that I also pack drinks and a snack as the boys are always hungry (but then they are boys).  If it is raining that I will take their wellies and we can puddle jump on the way home.

Sleep, Sleep and More Sleep

I am a sticker for going to bed a decent hour, not only do the boys need their sleep, but I need my down time too.  I had to wake Mini this morning at 7.30, he had been asleep more than 12 hours!

Breakfast

There are studies that have proved that a good breakfast is key to learning.  I have to say I thought I had it covered, as Maxi is a porridge every morning boy, but Mini is another matter, getting him to eat anything is a challenge on a morning!

Don't expect too much after school for the first two weeks.

It is hard to transition back to going to school, so don't expect your children to do much after school for the first couple of weeks.  Be patient and know that they will be tired and ratty.

I would love to hear your top tips for surviving back to school after the holidays.

PS Sorry for the poor picture, Mini stood on my camera!

_linkur

Ambling at Amble

Amble is a real gem, a small fishing village on the Northumberland coast, with a brill rocky area, which is great for playing, rock pooling and jumping on and a small secluded beach too.

We had the whole beach and rock area to ourselves and enjoyed a pleasant morning.  I had a great time taking photo's of the rocks, the wonderful amazing patterns that the sea makes on them.  Next time I will be taking paper and crayons to take rubbings of the rocks.

Our Art Corner in the Kitchen

We have decorated the kitchen this week and I have also rearranged the art corner, with the introduction of the boys small table in to the kitchen are and the addition of some great storage from Ikea for the pens etc.

We have painted the kitchen Willow (a soft soothing green) after MadDad decided that the green I had chosen was too green!

The table is from Ikea and I painted the top with blue chalk board paint ages ago and the boys love to use chalk on it.  

It works really well, as it means the boys can come in to the kitchen and do art or puzzles etc whilst I cook dinner and it is also a great area for showing off their artwork.  It is my favourite place in the whole house.  The whole art corner upgrade was inspired by The Happy Home.

How do you display your children's artwork?

I survived their first day at school

We were all prepared the clothes were names, ironed and set out last night.

Mini was beyond excited this morning, he has wanted to go to school since Maxi started last year. 

I took these images this morning and have kept myself busy today, MadDad and I are painting the kitchen (he didnt like the colour I chose and I took my upset out on him and then we went and exchanged the paint) and I have taken mum to her COPD appointment at the hospital too.

I really missed having Mini around this morning, most acutely around I0.30am at cup of tea and chat time.  But I also missed our quiet reading time and snuggles too.  However, I was glad to collect him and find that he hadn't missed me at all and he had a brilliant first day at school.

Bamburgh

Just perfect, made even better by meeting with Crystal Jigsaw and Amy.  Mini has declared his love for Amy to anyone that will listen and is running off with her to some far away place.