Thursday, 30 September 2010

My Priorities - Should our children fit in?

Way back when I had pink hair and lived my life in the minute I never thought I would be conventional.  I left home at 16 due to me and mum clashing and not agreeing on my "lifestyle" choices!  Back then I wanted to be different, I didn't want to fit it, I didn't want to become another ant on a large planet of ants, I wanted to be someone and I was happy to stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I was never the easiest child or teenager, I would rebel against convention, against expectations and would be difficult for difficult's sake, I was the black sheep of the family.  I was the one pinching the home brew pina colada from the wardrobes in  the garage and drinking then under the cinema on the beech or at the park.  I wouldn't do any homework and I skived off senior school.  

Everything was boring or normal and I was sick of living a stepford life and felt constrained by living in the town I did with the friends I had and I wanted more.

Then I met MadDad and everything changed.  I didn't need the pink hair or the outrageous behaviour (which was always a front), as I had him.  We got married and relocated to Berkshire and we lived a great life.

We had fantastic holidays, worked hard and lived life to the full coping with the potholes in the road on our way (my Dad dying, the numerous miscarries and health issues) and I started to live a conventional life.

The the minimads came along and we decided that we wanted them to grow up back in the north east close to our family and the beautiful North Yorkshire coast and country side.  I have become Mrs Conventional, not that that is an issue, but I already see my boys struggling against convention.

I see Mini not wanting to wear a school uniform, both of them not wanting short hair like the other boys and start to wonder when they will start pulling against the boundaries of society.  How to I encourage them to have their own opinions in life and to be their own men.  School doesn't allow for children to be different and my children are different.

Maxi is mathematics mad, he is a natural leader and old beyond his years in some ways, but also he is a typical 5 year old boy in others.  He loves being boisterous, playing tig and building dens, but he also loves working out how things work and wants to know how many miles are there between each planet and how much hotter the planets closer to the sun are.

Mini is already realising that he is different to the children in his class, he is having to go and get his reading books from Maxi's class and spends time reading to the TA.  Yes he can read, but he can not write and shows no interest in learning yet.  Give the boy a chance he is only just 4.  

Maxi has been chosen to take part in a special project at school (funded due to the fact he was assessed for Speech Therapy) called Achievement for All.  Initially I didn't see how my son would fit in to this project as is aims are to raise the aspirations for children and a lot of the children on the project need their confidence raised.  So I went to meet this the team implementing the project to discuss their hopes for Maxi and also what and how their thought he would gain from the project.

It turns out that they have talked to Maxi teachers and think that the project will really help Maxi, that it will hone his natural leadership skills and that his educational outcomes will be based on that and also focusing on his writing, which could do with some improvement (It isn't bad for a five year old).

The first part of the project will be music based and I will have the opportunity to go in to school once a week (Wednesday afternoons) and share in his experiences and work alongside him.  The team feel that moving Maxi from the classroom, will keep him more challenged and also help him feel less different from the other children.  But he is different from the other children, all children are unique and I am not sure how I feel about this.  It has raised all sorts of issues and thoughts for me.

Yes my boys are clever, I have discussed this before, but for me it isn't everything.  They are 4 and 5 years old.  They need to be happy, yes part of that is keeping them challenged and inspired, but also isn't it about letting them know that it is OK to be different, to be unique. 

It seems to me as this is the start of what is to be a long road through their schooling and childhood.  How do other parents cope?

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