It would have never happened with a PFB (Precious First Born)

I have a confession to make, it is time to clean my soul.  Maxi loves Hot Chocolate and had fennel tea as a baby, well Mini he loves coffee, yes coffee.  Last year when Maxi started school Mini and I would visit a coffee shop once a week when we took my mum to hospital and our treat was a decaf latte and Mini would always love to drink my foam and finish the coffee and now you guessed it, decaf latte is his drink of choice!

So this got me thinking, what other things did I do differently with Mini, than I did with Maxi (15 months age gap).

Dummy - I always re sterilised Maxi's with Mini's if dropped I just popped it back in my mouth!

Secondhand - I soon learned second hand didn't mean second best!

Having a feeding chart - yes I had one for Maxi!

Thermometer in the nursery (didn't even have a nursery for Mini, he was in with us for 9 months whist we rented).
I strapped Maxi in to the swing with mini I just used to place him in it
I used to warm Maxi's milk in hot water, with Mini it was the microwave each and every time!
I had a separate kettle to boil the water for Maxi's bottle.
I used to make sure Maxi's bib matched his outfit.

The thing is a love him just as much, it is just I relaxed a little, plus I didn't have enough time to be as precocious as there is only 15 months between the boys.

So what are your parenting secrets?

What do you do when your children are bright?

All children are unique, they are wonderful souls and a joy to be around.  But what do you do when your children are bright?  Maxi and Mini are both above average when it comes to intelligence.  I say this not as a smug mum, but as a concerned mum.  My aim for my children is and always has been happiness, for them to take life in both hands and enjoy it.  But this last week I have experienced something I never have before, Maxi has not wanted to go to school, as it is boring.

 Photo by Clinically Fed Up

So MadDad and I decided that it was time that I spoke to his new teacher and discussed what could we all do to help and an appointment was made.  I am lucky enough to have a couple of really great twitter friends who have been available to advise me on life with bright children, the wonderful Chris at Thinly Spread and also working with bright children, Julia from What will Julia Do Next?and The Heads Office.

This cleverness is not something I discuss with many people in real life, as I don't want to Maxi to be labeled or for that matter be to be labeled as a smug, self centred mother who pushes her children, but it is becoming an issue.  The few parents who go into school and read with the children have already approached me about his reading skills and one mum asked me if he was a genius (erm no, he is a 5 year old)!  I have struggled to find an outlet for my fears and concerns as I don't want them to come across as a boasting or over proud mother, who can only define herself by her children's achievements or in the slight competitive about education, which I certainly am not.

But the fact of the matter is that Maxi not being challenged meant he was board and that mean he didn't want to go to school, which in turn meant he and I wasn't happy.  So I felt I had to take this in hand and deal with it and it that means Maxi being labeled as gifted and talented then so be it.  I am concerned for the here and now, we can deal with next years education when it comes around.  I need him to want to go to school now and moving him up a year is not the solution in my eyes.  He is 5 years old, he has the social skills of a five year old and he needs to learn to deal with his talents and also with his peers to become part of their group.

So it was with great trepidation I went to meet Mr P, Maxi's teacher.  I was keen for Maxi not to become know as the pushy mothers son and lots of other analogies, but truth is, he is clever and advanced in both mathematics and literacy.

I am pleased to say it was a great meeting and I was also delighted to realise that Maxi's talents had already been picked up on and that action was going to be taken to keep him more involved and challenged throughout the school year.  We agreed on an interim action plan for the next couple of weeks (until Parent Evening) and I came home with a new reading book for Maxi (bought by his wonderful teacher) and a much better feeling about sending my child off to school.

We also made the decision that Maxi was not going to remain in the AFA (Achievement For All) scheme and would rather be moved in to a special maths group with the older children, which will be finalised over the next couple of weeks.

We are lucky in that Maxi is great at sport and hope that he can use this as an outlet to help get through school without sticking out as the clever one or the nerd.  It was how MadDad managed his intelligence and maybe Maxi and one day Mini can do the same.

I feel so much more relieved know that we are putting a plan of action in play for Maxi.  For the next couple of weeks he will be focusing on his writing ability, to enable him to move and be taught with different classes as he needs to be.  He will be focusing on spellings of tricky words, rather than reading (which he is fine with) and also some of the mathematics from later in the year, until his teacher gets his personal learning plan in place in time for parents evening before the end of term.

Photo by Clinically Fed Up

I am happy to say that Mini's needs are being catered for as he has Maxi's teacher from last year, the delectable Mrs S and she is one of the best teachers I have ever had the pleasure to meet.

I survived their first day at school

We were all prepared the clothes were names, ironed and set out last night.

Mini was beyond excited this morning, he has wanted to go to school since Maxi started last year. 

I took these images this morning and have kept myself busy today, MadDad and I are painting the kitchen (he didnt like the colour I chose and I took my upset out on him and then we went and exchanged the paint) and I have taken mum to her COPD appointment at the hospital too.

I really missed having Mini around this morning, most acutely around I0.30am at cup of tea and chat time.  But I also missed our quiet reading time and snuggles too.  However, I was glad to collect him and find that he hadn't missed me at all and he had a brilliant first day at school.

Living with a child with a health condition

When Maxi was 4 months old he became unwell.  He got a cold and was very unhappy, not his normal self at all.  He also fell off my knee and we were so concerned we took him to A&E at 6pm.  The doctor took a look at him and said he was fine and just to keep an eye on him and bring him back in if he was being sick.

Maxi on the afternoon before he fell off the sofa

We put our little baby to bed at 8pm that night and tried to give him a feed at 11pm, as usual, but he wouldn't take the milk, in fact he didn't cry, he was just struggling for breath.  We decided to ring the out of hours GP service and the doctor was with us within 30 minutes.  Within 2 minutes of entering the house, he told us to out our baby in the car and to drive straight to A&E.

He took our house keys and said he would lock up and meet us there, that there wasn't time to call an ambulance and we could get him there quicker.

A doctor and two nurses met us at the door to A&E and rushed our baby in to a cubical and then all hell broke out.  Maxi was ventilated and a cannula put in.  He has wires coming from his foot and finger and was put on a heart monitor too.  I have never been so scared since the crash section 4 months previous when we thought we were losing him.  

Maxi on CPAP in the HDU at Royal Berks

Our baby was moved to the high dependency unit as the Royal Berkshire doesn't have an ITU and we started what was our long long Vidual.  Maxi was suffering with breathing difficulties and they couldn't figure out why, he didn't have an infection, it was the middles of the summer not the bronchiolitis season, they were flummoxed.  Instead of getting better, our little baby got worse and was transferred to ITU at Great Ormond Street, it was suggested that we get him christened.

We didn't, he started to improve, we returned back to The Royal Berkshire High Dependency unit and began the long recovery, he was tube fed, changed on to nasal cpap and gradually got better.

A month later we did it all again, bar the Great Ormand Street part, as we managed to deal with it at the Royal Berkshire.  1 day after he was released we dashed down the M1 and had a joint christening for Maxi and my Niece (we basically hijacked their prearranged day), thanks to my wonderful sister in law, who arranged and planned everything.

Maxi's Christening

This became our life for until Maxi turned 3, we couldn't go a couple of month over winter without an admission.  We had over 10 sweat tests for cystic fibrosis, each time the results were in the grey area or there wasn't enough sweat to test.  Finally we for a negative test, we were overjoyed.  We were very lucky that we had a super Consultant, who agree that we needed to take some steps to prevent this happening.

So Maxi underwent numerous blood tests  and other tests and it was discovered that his specific antibodies were virtually non existent.  So Maxi underwent six months of re immunization and also had additional immunizations and guess what.  It made a huge difference.  He no longer picked up every virus going.

We have actually gone an entire winter without any hospitalisations.  It is wonderful.  We are able to manage his condition at home, which is wonderful.  He has done a whole year in Reception Class without one absence. 

Hearing but not Listening

My boys, especially MiniMad seem to have issues with listening. I and the preschool were so concerned with Mini's hearing that he was referred to an Audiologist.

Thankfully it turned out that Mini's hearing was perfect, although it took four different attempts to get him to co-operate with the tests.  You could see that he was hearing the sounds, he just refused to acknowledge them!

The Audiologist was a lovely lady who went on to explain that she sees now boys than girls and that they can hear, they just don't listen.   They tune out or focus on other things.

So what can I do about making the boys not only hear what I say to them, but also listen and take notice of it.

1)  I have been getting down to their level.  When I have something important to say I get on my knees.

2)  I gently turn mini's head to my face and ask him to listen and watch what I am saying.  I try to keep eye contact.

3)  I have been keeping it simple.  I am trying to say what I need in the least words possible.

4)  By keeping a good tone and not shouting, over lent I tried to give up shouting and it was pretty effective, but I am guilty of slipping.

5)  By rewarding listening with praise.

6)  By responding with the unexpected.

I am also going to try writing notes, especially for things that I keep having to repeat myself on. ie hanging up coats.  The boys have a low peg in the entrance for their coats but at the moment they just keep running in and dropping them, so I am going to leave a note on the door to the living room asking them to hang up their coats.

So what are your children like, do they listen to you, or do you sound like a stuck record?  How do you get round this? I would really appreciate all your hints and tips.

Maxi's Foundation Stage Graduation

Thursday was Maxi's last day at school in Reception before he goes up to year one in September.

This year has been a amazing one for my little man, one that I hope will give him a great foundation to all the years of learning he has to come.  The biggest part of this year has been his wonderful teacher Mrs Sayer and her two wonderful teaching assistants (Mrs Holmes and Mrs Jackson)

Mrs Sayer has a wonderful way with the children and they all adore her, she brings learning to life through play and is the perfect Reception teacher (which is why I was overjoyed to find out Mini is in her class next year).  Not once has she pushed Maxi too hard, she has a great grasp of his abilities and keeps him challenged.

Anyway Wednesday night was his graduation and he had a great time and didn't want the party to end.

 Maxi running to us with his Math certificate

All the children got a certificate and a book and then Maxi got a certificate for being the best Mathematician.  We were very proud indeed.

 

Dancing the night away

Bringing out the Lioness in me

Just don't go upsetting my cubs in front of me, as it will bring out the lioness in me.  She has surfaced this week and I am still upset and angry about how my boys, Mini in particular has been treated.

Every Monday there is a youth group at the local church and although I don't attend church, I want the boys to have experience of church and the fact that this is help in the church itself, rather than a hall really appealed to me, in such that it demystifies such a quiet place.

So I registered the boys and they went for the first time a fortnight ago.  They had a great time, I collected them, no one said anything to me, apart from the fact that it wasn't on last week.  

So we got all ready to go this week, after taking Maxi to the doctors.  We arrived and I apologised for being slightly late (the GP ran over, nothing unusual there) and the boys went to play with their friends, when a lady stopped Mini and told him, he wasn't allowed to stay.

She brought him to me and told me he was too young and they went insured, but there are other four year olds attending, so I questioned her and said how could mini be too young and the others aren't?  She then went on to say that it is a health and safety issue and he asked for help in wiping his bottom.  At this point he burst in to tears.  Now he doesn't ask for help at school and yes occasionally at home he will ask for us to "check" his bottom (to be fait Maci does now and again too), so I said that it was possibly down to him being in a new environment.  To which she responded "we don't want him here and I have spoke to the Vicar".  I asked her why she hadn't telephoned me prior to our coming and that this wasn't an appropriate conversation to have in front of everyone, but she wouldn't budge.  She was happy for Maxi to stay, but not Mini.

So I took both boys home with me and it then took me an hour to calm Mini down.  All the time Maxi was telling him he would help wipe his bottom if that was all that stopped them from going.  Mini wanted to know why they don't want him, what has he done wrong, don't they like him?  I managed to hold it together until MadDad got in and then that was that I was in tears telling him what happened.

I couldn't find the Vicars number to discuss this with her, I was far too angry to go back and talk to the Youth group organiser, in fact I am still so upset about the way this has been handled.

I managed to speak to the Vicar last night and expressed my concerns over the way it has been handled and the inequality of it all, but I am waiting for her to come back to me.

And I am stewing, yes Mini is hard work, yes he can be challenging, loud, he doesn't always listen, he can be cheeky, insubordinate,  naughty, downright infuriating at times, but is this the reason that they don't want him there?  What have I done wrong?  He does come across as boisterous, but he is also loving, fun and a joy to be with.  I can not believe that they have made their decision based on one session with them.  It breaks my heart and I don't want Maxi to go without Mini and truth be told, neither of them understand what the problem is.

The longer it takes the Vicar to ring me back the more I think about it and reflect on the even, they are better ways to do this, without upsetting me and my children.

Children's Craft Showcase - How to make paper flowers

This is a really simple way to make flowers for someone special, not for any reason, just to say I love you.  They would also make a really great gift to say thank you to any teacher at this time of the year.

Materials

Tissue Paper
Heart Punch or template and scissors
Paper Straws (Art straws - 99p from The Works)
Paper brads

Method

This is such a simple piece of craft, that Maxi actually made all of our flowers (roses) which we took with us to see The Wiggles and give to Dorothy.

Use the punch to make heart shapes out of tissue paper

With a single hole punch make a hole in each at the point end

Place you tissue paper petals on to the paper brad

Place you brad in to the end of your paper straw.

Keep going until you have a bunch of beautiful paper roses (we gave ours to Dorothy the Dinosaur, when the boys saw The Wiggles)

Mima with Maxi

Maxi's class were lucky enough to go to Mima (Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art) on a school trip and I managed to get MadDad to work from home that day so I could go to.

Now I am not sure I will be taking the boys back just yet, but it was a great, if not a little long day.  In between looking and thinking about the installations the children did get to do some art activities, but they were not allowed to touch anything and with a group of 4 and 5 year olds you can imagine how hard it was for them.

I was very proud of all the children, they were so well behaved and Maxi's teacher is such a gem.  She really understands reception children, so after a picnic lunch on the lawn, she got her class all playing games to let off steam.

There is currently an exhibition by Anish Kapoo which tested the children's don't touch capabilities, as well as mine too. 

Fantastic sculptures and pieces, which made them think, look and really explore what art can be.

The exhibition co-insides with the opening on Tememos in Middlesbrough, which the boys have seen from the car.

I really enjoyed the day and will be going back on my own for some quality me time.

A Family of Emotions

Mini just can not control them, they are so visual, so transparent.  It is like looking at me.

I see burning red and hot orange embers.  The lava flow that just erupts before he has a chance to think about anything else.  He has no hold on them, no way to stop acting on the impulses they give him.  He has no perspective, no patience, no understanding of them.

He physically reacts, throwing, hitting, shouting, screaming, banging and crying.

He feels them in his heart, head and fists.  

To the point of exhaustion.

Maxi is comtenplative, a real thinker, he is learning to harness his emotions and to keep them in check.

He is brave and often his lower lip will tremble, when he skuffs his kness, just a little, enough for me to see.

When he is tired, then the emotions bubble to the surface.  I watch as he attemps to supress them, holding his breathm until they have to come out.

But his joy, wonder and amazement are still there for all to see.

MadDad is a happy man, a mellow fellow who lives his life with joy on his face and in his heart.  He is laidback and tolerent of nearly everything.  In all our time together I have only ever seen him angry on a few occaasions.  He always tells me that anger is such an unproductive emotion, that it doesnt solve anything, so he has learned to let it flow out of him.

He is a protective man and you can see how much he loves his family on his face, he is not afriad to show his emotions and he sets a wonderful example to the boys.

So that just leaves me, I for far too long have found that the dark emotions have been the ones that are the strongest, but I no longer allow them to take over my life.  I have learned to make the most of everything.  To look to the best in people and things.  To see the joy in the small things in life.

I am also taking part in The Frugal Families Welcome Wednesday

Saturday Story Workshop

Maxi was lucky enough to be invited to a special storytelling workshop which as held at a local school on Friday.  He had a funtastic time and we were invited to take him back for a morning of fun and activities on the Saturday.  So we decided that Maxi and I would go and MadDad and Mini could go and have some one on one time at Football Tots together.

What a treat I was in for:

The event was run by a local school (one of the smallest in the area) for a number of the local schools and was specially designed for Reception children (4 and 5) year olds.

It was hosted by the divine Marina the Mermaid and Stony Fag the good pirate.

Maria told the children all about the council evicting her from her home in a cave at Saltburn by the sea, as she had lost her magic shell, which enabled her to sing.  

The children helped Marina find her shell and get her home back in the end.  It was brill a real interactive story.

On the Friday the children had all had all made fish and helped to decorate the school.

Maxi made another one on Saturday too (look out for a sea inspired Childrens Craft Showcase next month).

We then all went in to the underwater tunnel to hear Stony Fag tell us about how he met Marina and how he changed from a bad pirate in to a good one.

The event ended with the children and parents getting involved in the Hall in yet another story about how the seasons came about.

We had a fantastic morning, both me and Maxi.  The event as brilliant and they even put on refreshments.  The only down side as that only 20 children per year got to attend and as they are nearly 90 children in Maxi's year at school, children had to miss out.

We had a fantastic time.