The Gallary - My Current Favorite Photo

I love lots of photo's and favorite choice changes with my mood, the time of day and well the month, year and all that jazz too.

At the moment my favorite photo is not one I took, but one that Mrs W from Clinically fed Up took when we were at The Mad Awards.  I love it because it captures the whirlwinds that are my boys.

Then I have my second favorite one, why well this is because it captures all of us Mads, happy laughing and generally having fun.

And you see that is the beauty of an image, it is a snap shot, a trigger of a memory, a certain moment in time, which is precious for a certain reason and even more precious at certain times.  

For me at the moment, it is my boys, my family that is getting me through each day and night, so they are my favorite and my best (as Lola would say)!

See more favorites over at this weeks Gallery

My Priorities - Should our children fit in?

Way back when I had pink hair and lived my life in the minute I never thought I would be conventional.  I left home at 16 due to me and mum clashing and not agreeing on my "lifestyle" choices!  Back then I wanted to be different, I didn't want to fit it, I didn't want to become another ant on a large planet of ants, I wanted to be someone and I was happy to stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I was never the easiest child or teenager, I would rebel against convention, against expectations and would be difficult for difficult's sake, I was the black sheep of the family.  I was the one pinching the home brew pina colada from the wardrobes in  the garage and drinking then under the cinema on the beech or at the park.  I wouldn't do any homework and I skived off senior school.  

Everything was boring or normal and I was sick of living a stepford life and felt constrained by living in the town I did with the friends I had and I wanted more.

Then I met MadDad and everything changed.  I didn't need the pink hair or the outrageous behaviour (which was always a front), as I had him.  We got married and relocated to Berkshire and we lived a great life.

We had fantastic holidays, worked hard and lived life to the full coping with the potholes in the road on our way (my Dad dying, the numerous miscarries and health issues) and I started to live a conventional life.

The the minimads came along and we decided that we wanted them to grow up back in the north east close to our family and the beautiful North Yorkshire coast and country side.  I have become Mrs Conventional, not that that is an issue, but I already see my boys struggling against convention.

I see Mini not wanting to wear a school uniform, both of them not wanting short hair like the other boys and start to wonder when they will start pulling against the boundaries of society.  How to I encourage them to have their own opinions in life and to be their own men.  School doesn't allow for children to be different and my children are different.

Maxi is mathematics mad, he is a natural leader and old beyond his years in some ways, but also he is a typical 5 year old boy in others.  He loves being boisterous, playing tig and building dens, but he also loves working out how things work and wants to know how many miles are there between each planet and how much hotter the planets closer to the sun are.

Mini is already realising that he is different to the children in his class, he is having to go and get his reading books from Maxi's class and spends time reading to the TA.  Yes he can read, but he can not write and shows no interest in learning yet.  Give the boy a chance he is only just 4.  

Maxi has been chosen to take part in a special project at school (funded due to the fact he was assessed for Speech Therapy) called Achievement for All.  Initially I didn't see how my son would fit in to this project as is aims are to raise the aspirations for children and a lot of the children on the project need their confidence raised.  So I went to meet this the team implementing the project to discuss their hopes for Maxi and also what and how their thought he would gain from the project.

It turns out that they have talked to Maxi teachers and think that the project will really help Maxi, that it will hone his natural leadership skills and that his educational outcomes will be based on that and also focusing on his writing, which could do with some improvement (It isn't bad for a five year old).

The first part of the project will be music based and I will have the opportunity to go in to school once a week (Wednesday afternoons) and share in his experiences and work alongside him.  The team feel that moving Maxi from the classroom, will keep him more challenged and also help him feel less different from the other children.  But he is different from the other children, all children are unique and I am not sure how I feel about this.  It has raised all sorts of issues and thoughts for me.

Yes my boys are clever, I have discussed this before, but for me it isn't everything.  They are 4 and 5 years old.  They need to be happy, yes part of that is keeping them challenged and inspired, but also isn't it about letting them know that it is OK to be different, to be unique. 

It seems to me as this is the start of what is to be a long road through their schooling and childhood.  How do other parents cope?

Cooking with Children - Lamb Stir-Fry

 We were given a some welsh lamb and the ingredients to make a welsh lamb stir fry from the Cool2Cook2 book which has been produced by Meat Promotion Wales (Hybu Cig Cymru) to help get kids cooking.

I love getting the boys in the kitchen, so we set about following the recipe on Saturday evening.  The boys chopped all the vegetables, whilst I did the ginger and MadDad prepared the lamb, which was welsh and organic.

I have to say that the recipe was really easy to follow and the boys did the majority of the work, with me and MadDad supervising.

We really enjoyed it and there was 4 empty bowls at the end of the evening.  In fact the boys enjoyed it so much that we made Lamb Kofta Kebabs out of the book for Sunday dinner.

They went down a treat.  If you can get hold of this cook book then I would, it has some very easy, well balanced recipes in it and the MiniMads want to try them all and I can see it being used time and time again, especially when they are a little older and I can get them to cook dinner for us all!

The Gallery - A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home

I have said before that my main motivation for my boys is happiness, I think that if you are happy you can do anything, take on any challenge and be what ever you want to be.  

Also I find happiness infectious, a smile can light up a room, so for me picking out images that reflect this weeks Gallery was hard, not because I didn't have many to chose from, rather I have lots of images with smiles on.

So enter our world for a moment, Mini is using my hoodie to be Obi-Wan_Kenobi, who is is here (well after MadDad) and the other photo is one of a series of out takes on the first day of school, where the boys couldn't stop laughing!

Electronics - where do you draw the line or how much is too much?

We have a lot of technology in TheMadHouse, lots of electronic gadgets, gizmo's and games, but for my sanity I we are introducing technology free time.

It has never been an issue for us in the past, but both the boys are getting to an age where they would gladly play on the Wii, their leapsters, Daddy's ipod touch or the PS2 for all their waking hours.  We are getting tantrums when they are told "no more electronic time".  We have never had to ration it in the past but that is where we are headed.

So we are going to be changing the rules on our reward system and the boys will be able to exchange their points for more than just things in Mummy's shop they will also be able to exchange them for time on the wii, PC or an electronic gadget.  We already work on the premise of no screen time after 6pm, after I read some where that it helps them switch off in time for bed.

 I don't think I am going to be in for an easy ride from the boys and this is not a decision we have taken lightly, but we are going to try.  I am aware that it is going to be hard for me too, as it means no PC or twitter for me too once they are home from school.  It also means that I can not bribe the boys or use the wii as an easy option to stop them fighting, but I am hoping it enhances all our days.

We are also going to have one whole day at the weekend which is technology free after 9am.  This shouldn't be too difficult as we always have a least one family day at the weekend.

I am doing this now, as I don't want to end up with teenage boys who are glued to their screens and have no conversational skill at all.

So wish me luck and where do you stand on the how much is too much line?

The odd one out

I have that follow feeling in my tummy, the one I describe to the boys as butterflies, but truth be told it isn't.  It is a physical pain caused by dropping them off at the school door each morning.  At least today Mini went in without the tears and upset of last week, at least Maxi always runs to be in, but I walk away with a heavy heart and a hollow emptiness that nothing can fill.

I used to have a career when we lived down South, I was a successful Facilities Manager and my colleagues were shocked by the fact that I was pregnant.  I was the most un-maternal woman in the building, but my love for  my boys has been a slow burner.  I never had a POW feeling when they were born.  They never swept me off my feet with a barrage of warm feelings, but these feelings have grown and developed as I have had the pleasure of learning to be a parent and now I am consumed with overwhelming and unconditional love for them both.  There are days when I might not like them, but I do and always will love them.

I enjoy their company and the time we spend doing, making, playing, baking and just being together.  I fear I am becoming a bore, a lonely, sad mother.  Yes that is what the issue is I am lonely.  I do have friends here, but they have both just gone full time at work, so I am left on my own during the day and I am sad.

I am looking for part time work to help pass the time and to try and make new friends, but it easier said than done.  I have applied for positions, only to be told I am over qualified and to be left feeling even more worthless than I feel anyway.  Before now I have only ever had positive interviews, but I live in an area of high unemployment and my skills although transferable are not as sought after as they should be.  Coupled with the fact that I want to collect the boys from school, well it makes getting a job pretty much impossible (or that is the feeling I have).

So on Wednesday I start 2 mornings a week helping out with the reception children at the school and I am looking forward to it.  I hope that it will help lift my mood and stop me coming home with tears in my eyes.

Worse still are the people who say take some time to do things you want to do, well I WANT to be with my children, I don't want to pamper myself or go for a run, I want to cuddle my boys.  I want to wallow in this self pity.  I don't want to clean the house or do the ironing.  I want to go to the park and find shells with the boys on the beach.  I want more children, which I can not have.

I am mourning the loss of her children.  The woman who has marked the calender and is looking forward in an unnatural way to half term.  I listen to the other mums talking about their children being at school and I feel nothing in common with them at all.  I do not relish the start of the school day or dread the clock ticking closer to collection time, in fact I feel the opposite and look forward to collecting the boys and visiting the park.

So in a lot of ways I guess I am the odd one out.

The Winds of Change

Change, that words sweeps a world of emotion over me at this time. It makes me feel a little scared, a little worried, a little apprehensive for what will be, for you see my world is turning and changing.  My whole family is experiencing the winds of change.

I have lost my youngest companion, my wonderful Mini to school this week and it is a huge change in my life.

My balance is off, my sense of direction skewed and I am not sure which way I should be facing.

For you see, my child, my wonderful confident, happy child has embraced this change in his life with open arms and gone running in to the unknown to breathe in all he can.  To learn new skills, make new friends, experience new things, to learn to be still in life and to also use the life lessons I have spend the last four years instilling in him.  He makes me proud, proud that he is confident enough in himself to feel the joy of newness.

Maxi too is being stellar about the change from Reception to Year one, which is some ways is harder than the transition Mini is going through from preschool to reception.  Maxi now has a timetable, regular break times and regular lessons throughout the week.  He has more responsibilities within the class structure too.  He is relishing the changes and is enjoying being back at school. 

But for me it is harder, I put on a brave face, a happy front and will not allow them to see my feelings or to pick up on my anxieties, for these are mine not their to be concerned about.

So what of me, well I am trying to put my best foot forward and look at this change as an opportunity.  A beginning, yes the beginning of the new me.  I am still looking for part time paid work (writing, PA, sewing, anything for some extra money), but in the interim I will be going in to school twice a week and baking with the 90 reception class children.  3 children at a time, so hopefully I will have baked with them all by Christmas. 

I am going to be making biscuits with them and some of these children will have never baked before.  Many of them will think that biscuits come from a packet.  We live in Teesside, which is where the BBC predict the public spending cuts to hit hardest.

This post was inspired by this weeks writing workshop over at Sleep is for the week and more speicfically by the work that Sian, Mummy-Tips Josie, Sleep is for the Weak and Eva, Nixdminx  are doing on behalf of Save the Children

Every year almost 9 million children under the age of five die, most of them from preventable illnesses such as diarrhoea, pneumonia and malaria.

At the end of September Nick Clegg will be at the UN Summit in New York. Ten years ago world leaders set targets, called Millennium Development Goals , to reduce poverty, hunger and disease.  So please sign  the petition to get Nick Clegg to push for commitment to the targets at the UN Summit.  Lets make change happen for the people less fortunate than us.

I survived their first day at school

We were all prepared the clothes were names, ironed and set out last night.

Mini was beyond excited this morning, he has wanted to go to school since Maxi started last year. 

I took these images this morning and have kept myself busy today, MadDad and I are painting the kitchen (he didnt like the colour I chose and I took my upset out on him and then we went and exchanged the paint) and I have taken mum to her COPD appointment at the hospital too.

I really missed having Mini around this morning, most acutely around I0.30am at cup of tea and chat time.  But I also missed our quiet reading time and snuggles too.  However, I was glad to collect him and find that he hadn't missed me at all and he had a brilliant first day at school.

School Shoes from Clarks

A while ago I was asked if I would post a video from Clarks about the six steps to shoe fitting, to which I responded honestly that we hadn't actually been to a Clarks shop  in more than two years due to a very bad experience with Mini and that we used the local independent shoe shop.

I was really surprised when the PR responded with the fact the Clarks would like the boys to go for a fitting and would sent a voucher towards the cost of the boys shoes.

So on Saturday we set off to have the boys feet measured and get some shoes from our local Clarks shop.  Now shoe fitting with the boys is not a great experience any day of the week, but a shoe shop on a Saturday the week before school starts is usually some fresh hell in my book.

We walked into the store at 1.30 in the afternoon and my it was busy, but I was really surprised to find out that there was more than enough staff and we were next to be served.  The boys were measured and fitted by Beka, who was wonderful.  She made sure she asked the boys what their names were and used it throughout the fittings with them.

Before she went to get the shoes from the store area, she checked if there were any that we preferred and I mentioned that I liked the ones with the rubber bumper at the front.  She also brought out trainers and plimsolls for the boys to try too.  Beka returned with two pairs of shoes to try and before popping them on asked which one I preferred.  I have to say that Beka was really thorough with ensuring the fit was correct and showed me the growing room in each pair of shoes.  When she was unsure about the fit she asked for the Manager to come across and check the fit and alternative plimsoll's were tried instead.

We actually came away from the shop with 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of trainers and a pair of plimsolls for the boys which cost a total of £121.00, although we had a £50 voucher towards the cost.

So do I feel confident in posting the video now, well yes I do.  I was also glad that I watched it before I took the boys for their fitting too.

The Gallery - A photo I am Proud Off

Oh my I can not get that "What have you done today to make you feel proud" out of my head.  This week I am supposed to show you an image I have taken that makes me feel proud. 

I am not a professional photographer or even an amateur really.  I am a snapper.  I capture moments of our everyday lives to trigger wonderful memories.

This image was snapped with my now defunct original Olympus digital camera, the first digital I owned, which was the size of a house brick and I love it.

It captures a wonderful day, the first time we went out of the house as a family of four in July 2006.  Granted it was only 200 yards up the hill from our then rented house to the in laws garden, but we did it.

So this is me one week post c-section, first day out of bed, with two babies, one aged 15 months and one 2 weeks and really signifies the start of the parenting adventure for me and my two boys.  Proud - you betcha, I couldn't think straight, but I managed to capture a wonderful time.

Wordless Wednesday - A big Thankyou

Just look at this wonderful drawing I received from the very clever Suzie over at Itch 2 Stitch.  We adore it and have framed it and popped it for all to see.

The Gallery - Nature or Nuture

What can I say, well today I took the boys to the local woodland centre, where the plan was to collect shells and small stones on the beach to make jam jar lanterns.

We actually spent far to long on the beech to get them made so will have to do them tomorrow at home, but boys being boys they didn't want shells on their jam jars, oh no they wanted dead crabs....

So as much as I nurture their artistic and creative sides, sometimes the force of nature is just to great!

The Boys are away and I don't want to play ......

My Mum has the MiniMads for only the second time in their life.  Yes this is the second evening me and MadDad have had to ourselves and we have no intentions of going out (not that we could afford to anyway).

Before we had children we swore we wouldn't become parent bores, you know the ones......  the people who have no other topic of conversation apart from their children and guess what we are turning into them.

We decide not to bother with the grand dinner I had planned to cook, instead we settled for some cheese on toast with a cup of tea, none of the sparking wine either, as we sat in front of the television to catch up on some of those shows we have filled our Sky+ with.

We sat in comfortable silence, snuggled under the throw, punctuated by random sentences about how weird it is for the children not to be here and how sad I was that sports day was cancelled and how will find the cash to pay for swimming lessons again, especially as it is the week before pay day.  Then back to the snuggling and silence.

We trotted off to bed an hour or so later than usual, no having to get up for the boys, but as we reached the top of the stairs we both felt the need to go in to their rooms.  You see we do this every night as we go to bed, we take turns to check on the boys, to tuck them in and stroke their foreheads and give them an extra kiss, oh and to just watch them sleep.

I woke this morning at 6.20, which is what time Maxi is usually up.  My body clock hadn't yet got the message that he wasn't here and I lay still, not moving, breathing evenly as not to wake MadDad.  Over and over in my head the thoughts that I was boring, didn't have anything other than the children to take about, that I wasn't witty that we didn't have intellectual debate and worse than that I didn't even know what was a number one in the Charts, let along who where the DJ's on radio one. 

How had it come to this?  When did I stop being a person in my own right and transform in to a mummy?  

MadDad it turns out had been laying there not moving too, awake, but not wanting to wake me up.  Oh how we laughed about that, we would rather let each other catch up on precious sleep than use the time making love, like we used to.  So we laid and cuddles and I talked about how I fell that I was a non-person, a mother.  That I had nothing intellectual  or interesting to say and that how our conversations revolved around the children.

"But the children are interesting to me and I love hearing how your day with them has been.  I want to know what they have been up to whilst I have been a work" MadDad told me.  Funny isn't it, I crave adult company and conversation, but when I get it, I have nothing to talk about other than the Children.  But then that is all I know nowadays really, that and the day to day issues of caring for a loved one as they get older (my mother).  

We do tend to stick to talking about the things we know about and experience and I don't want to bring every conversation down to my health (or lack of it), my mood (deep dark and scary), our finances (enough said) and as for politics (money again!).  So I talk about what I know, what I experience and  what I live and for me at this time in my life it is being a mum.

So we have resolved that if mum offers again to have the boys (and after speaking to her this morning, I am not sure she will be) then I will be more comfortable with things.  It doesn't mean that we wont miss them or go in to empty rooms to check on them though!

The Gallery - Freindship

Long may it last

The Gallery - Portraits

This weeks prompt over at Sticky Fingers for The Gallery was Portraits, how apt seen as I received these from school this week.

They don't get much more adorable than this, do they?

I am so lucky to have two such wonderful children, so some special things about my boys.

I love nothing more than my morning snuggles with Mini, he often comes and joins us at some point during the night and we love it, we are cherishing the fact that he wants to be close to both me and MadDad.;;;;;I

I love the fact that tucking Maxi in to bed is always such a treat, he is usually asleep before you even get out of the room!

It is hard to believe that Mini is very nearly as tall as Maxi and he now has size 10 and a half feet!

I am so impressed with Maxi's reading, it is coming on in leaps and bounds and he gets really animated when reading to us on an evening, the four of us sit together on the sofa and really love this time.

I also really like the fact that they are becoming part of our neighbourhood and love that they are often called on to come out and play (I go up to my bedroom and watch them out the window).

I think maybe the time is coming for the stabilisers to come off Maxi's bike.  We are only holding off, as we know that what one does the other always wants to follow.

There is nothing better than coming home to two boys who make my heart sing and make most things a joy.

They both blamanche or milky jelly.  They adore making it, which couldn't be simpler.  Dissolve the jelly in a quarter of a pint of boiling water, allow to cool but not set and then add half a pint of milk, pour in to moulds then pop in the fridge 30mins later you have this....

Perfect to serve with strawberries.