As I write this I am tired, not just physically, but also mentally too. My mum is home, well at my home at the moment and visiting, arranging and organising has really tested me this last couple of weeks and will continue to do so I imagine.
Firstly mum is going to be staying in TheMadHouse until we can arrange for stair lifts, which should have been done by the hospitals in-house social care and social work team, but the lady responsible for mum was off sick, so it was either stay in hospital (which she really didn't want) or come home to me. The only other alternative was to move a bed downstairs to her dining room and that wasn't going to happen as that was were my paternal grandfather died.
So here she is, which is such a relief, we have the oxygen machine and she is sleeping in the conservatory. At least this way I can keep an eye on her and she can join us for all our meals too.
My giving up shouting for lent has been better this week too, as I have been far too tired to shout, no really, the fact is the boys have enjoyed the change in the weather and going to the park after school is back on the daily agenda, as it lots of time outside on scooters and running around.
All of these experiences has really got me thinking about temptations and trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I am so aware that my mum is desperate not to lose her independence, so I have been trying to approach things from a different angle with her. to not make her feel any worse about her situation.
The worst thing for me is that this illness is preventable, this illness is all caused by smoking. My mum has been a lifelong smoker and this is why she is now on oxygen 15 hours a day and can not get up the stairs on her own.
She shouldn't be like this, in fact no one should have to be like this. As an ex-smoker (I stopped as soon as I was pregnant with Maxi) this makes me incredibly angry.
Cigarettes are killers and shouldn't be available. I can not believe that once my children turn 16 they will be able to walk in to a shop and buy something that can kill them. It just seems so unnecessary to me, how in this day and age can we allow this to go on.
Anyway I will jump down from my high horse and try and be more understanding and try and get through the next weeks and months with as much grace as I can.