Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sailor or what I wish I known when choosing a career

When I was growing up I always wanted to be an accountant, well I gave it a try and did pretty well, but it wasn't for me.  The only interaction I got was with numbers, so I took an opportunity and became an Office Manager for a small company who were on the up.

I used my skills to help relocate the company to Berkshire and went on to become a Facilities Manager for a large software company.  I loved my job, but.....

It just wasn't flexible enough when in came down to spending time with my children.   It was kind of an all or nothing position, where if the office was burning, I would need to be there.  I couldn't give my boys 100% and work 100%, it just didn't add up and as you have guessed, I am an all or nothing type of person.  I would never have been satisfied in not being the best I could.

So we made the decision to relocate back to the North East in the hope that we could afford for me to be a stay at home mum.  What went wrong, well I needed to have the operations, I had complications and MadDad was forced to take unpaid leave and we were forced to get in to debt to pay the mortgage.  So I guess life happened!

So no financially we are in a bit of a bind here in TheMadHouse and the time has come for me to start looking for another job, ideally starting in September when MiniMad goes back to school.

I wish it was as simple as it sounds, but I am not willing to compromise on my time with the children, so I am looking for:

A school hours job, which would need to be term time only or
A job working from home or
An Evening Job

I am looking, but these jobs are like gold-dust, they are what every mother seems to be looking for and that my friends is what brings me to my title.

When at careers fairs whilst growing up, I was encouraged to find myself a career, something high powered, something full on, something 9 to 5, what no one ever told me is that once you have children things change.  You may find yourself wanting to take career break, which can mean it is hard to keep up with current requirements for your chosen career.  You might want to work shorter hours and this can be hard when managing people and contracts.  

What I wish I had known back then was that I wouldn't have wanted to be at work during my children's early years, the years when I can influence them and make an impact on their lives and that when I did return to work I wouldn't have the same ambition or requirements.

So it is back to looking through the papers, visiting the job centre and networking for me.  Trying to find a position that fits in with the needs of my family.

In an ideal world, I would love a job share with MadDad, but we went down different paths, so it isn't possible.  I don't want to be a teacher, I know that although it may seem like a suitable term time position, but all the teachers I know put in about double the hours people realise.

It just seems like a waste, I know my mother feels that it truly is, or at least she did.  She admitted that she feels that she was envious of the fantastic career that I had and wishes she had been privy to the opportunities I had, but the truth is that I feel that the children are my job and I am more than happy to make them my priority for the immediate future.

Would I have gone down the same road if I had realised that I would feel this way after I had the children.  Well hindsight is a wonderful thing.  I really don't know.

What I might have done was look at a flexible career, maybe nursing, or maybe even looked at being a teaching assistant.  I most definitely would have taken a serious look at working for myself in a flexible position.  Even being a hairdresser would have given me more options than I currently have.

So how do I move forward from this, for once I have no idea.

Comments (17)

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Could you set up your own accountancy company where you look for clients so you can do the work from home? My job has flexible hours, I work 24hours weekly from 6pm until 2am 3times a week. These are the only hours that fit in with hubby and i work his nights off. I don't have a career, I work in a supermarket earning just above mininum wage but it pays the bills. I do intend to get myself a 'proper' job when the children are all in school and i'll be returning to work after my little man is born.

I hope you find the job you want, i hate the work/life balance it always worries the hell out of me, i know we would be financialy better off if i worked more but i would miss the children.
It's so hard when you're looking for a job because almost none are advertised as potential job share or even with term time hours. The only flexibility that exists, for some lucky employees, is part time hours if they are in a job and return to that job. I hope that once my daughter is at school, I can change my 4 day week to a 5 day 9am-3pm job. When I my job was made redundant and I was looking for a new post, it was 9-5 or nothing. Any mention of job share or a 4 day week and I got the dirty looks. It's so frustrating.
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you at the moment, only due to slightly different circumstances. When my older two (now 19 and 24) were small I worked as playgroup supervisor, or creche assistant, classroom assistant and all was good. They grew up, I got qualified and was an office manager for years. Then got pregnant unexpectedly and now have a 4 year old. I've not worked since she was born, and have no family living near me to look after her. All my childcare qualifications are no longer valid because they changed the system and I don't have the required NVQ's in childcare. I'd love to work from home, but have no idea how to get into it. I'm 41 and really don't feel like starting training courses again to get re-qualified to be something I was already qualified to be.. life's a bitch eh? Good luck with your hunting
It's very difficult to find work that fits in with being a mum. There always seems to be a compromise somewhere which is a shame. You're right about how we were educated, our generation was brought up to believe we'd have important careers. There was never any mention of children. I suppose it was meant to be a positive thing but it leaves many of us grappling with how we balance work and our children.And I know I feel I've studied for years and given up a career to become quite a lowly member of society. I don't have any sensible suggestions I'm afraid, only that working for yourself would probably be the most flexible option.
I know - if only I had thought more about building skills to enable me to work on my terms. All I can say is thank godness I didn't continue with my plans for becoming a medic!
Sew Scrumptious's avatar

Sew Scrumptious · 786 weeks ago

What about childminding? Can do it from home and choose the hours to suit you. As you know I'm trying to get back into work and from what people tell me finding a great childminder is really hard. Having said that although the hours may work with already having children - for me I couldn't do it. Work is going to be a rest from looking after children so I couldn't face looking after more!!
I had a similar experience. Originally I wanted to do my BHS AI exams but mum wouldnt allow it so I became a secretary, studied part time got my HNC Bus and Fin and my CIPS became a successful buyer working on cost reduction projects but when I was trying for a family, it was too stressful and the hours were long. I down graded my job and got pregnant! I wanted to stay at home with my children so I did some training and set myself up as a self employed mobile dog groomer. This meant that I worked the hourse and days I wanted to work and it was great.

Now, you could do lots of things...... Dog walker, child minding is good, you could try and take in office work the world is your oyster you just have to believe in yourself
Hmm, well I think you are wise about teaching, on the face of it it looks like a great job for a parent, but in reality it takes the same kind of energy parenting and it can be hard to come home from a class of demanding kids to a house full of demanding kids! (My sister is a teacher and so were my parents).

Would you be able to compromize and initially consider a position where the kids would go to afterschool care, or to a neighbour for one or two days a week, and to camps (do they have summer camp in the UK?) during some of the school holidays? Once you got in somewhere you may be able to rejig your commitments to something more appealing in hours after gaining an employers trust.

Thinking happy career thoughts for you, I hope you can find something that works, it must be out there.

And as someone who works maybe a bit too much I can say that my kids get a lot from their preschool that they wouldn't get from me, and I consider their carers to be very important people our lives, I have learned a lot from them. With a secure routine, even if that routine involves carers other than parents, kids can thrive wonderfully, and actually benefit from other adults in their lives.
Might be worth advertising as a book-keeper? My o/h sometimes does extra work for his accountant - just basic stuff - entering stuff on the computer & double checking.

BTW - there's a little award for you on my blog.

And I'm off on a hunt for swap things today ;)
I work full time but over four days and I would love to be able to work part time. I am always looking at ways to make some extra and would love to run a little business from home - I just wish I was craft or creative enough to make something that I could sell!

Good luck with your search....
I think you made the right decision for you & your family - you weren't to know you were going to need substantial medical treatment.

I'm sure you are getting lots of ideas from the above comments - book keeping etc does seem a possibility. Part time school secretary ?

Good luck Jen, I'll be thinking of you xx
It's always hard to get a job when you don't have a job and far easier to swap to another job when you already have a job (stay with me on this one!). Try to get something - whatever it may be. It will get you 'out there' again and give you a better vantage point to look for something that you REALLY want to do! xx
You've had so much advice I just wanted to reach out and hug you :) I love the date on your post by the way. ;)
I totally think as mothers we need to talk more about choices and families with our daughters and sons. Each generation seems to be jealous of the other because of the opportunities. There isn't a one size fits all.
Keep on searching and networking inspiration comes from unexpected sources.
What a fabulous post with some really great comments. I love your ethos and I hope it all works out for you.
Knickers girl, you can write! We all love reading your words - sure you could get something sensible and still write but what about asking the local paper for a column, talk about your life and the kids and give other parents your perspective. Hell if they say no, then you can still look for the sensible option. Show them your blog as evidence of your popularity.....we'll all sign a petition. You deserve a really good break....lottery win?????
Hard isn't it. But something will turn up - I never thought I'd be in a school hours term time only job, but I am, almost by chance.

My father used to tell me as a teenager - become a teacher - it's a good job for a woman. You can imagine how that made my feminist hackles rise! So I became a management consultant (just about the least flexible job on the planet) and then stayed home with the boys for 7 years. But I wouldn't change it.

Be open minded - say 'yes' to things. Perhaps temp? And something will fall in your lap.
I don't know if this will help, or for that matter, if your schools do the same as ours in the USA. When my kids were younger and I had to work, I worked as a clerk/secretary in the public schools. First I subbed as a secretary, where I did have to work full time days, but I could choose to not work when I needed to be home, because the kids were sick or off school for teacher service days. Later I was able to get a job in a school as a part-time clerk. I worked 6 hours a day, 10 days a month. That let me take them to school and pick them up. I had to work two weeks after they got out and two weeks before they went back, but the oldest was 15 so they were ok at home for that. It was nice because I also had every major holiday off paid. :)

Another great thing about the school district at that time was that even part-timer employees got medical insurance benefits.

:)

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