Mourning more than the children being at school

Since I am laying it all bare about how I feel about the boys being at school, it is only fare that I really admit as to why I feel so bad.

Back in July 2008 I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, an oophorectomy is the technical term.  As you may know I carry a genetic spelling mistake which makes me very high risk for a number of cancers.  My Aunt died from ovarian cancer and my other Aunt who had already had a hysterectomy had primary peritoneal cancer (she is currently in remission).  So my risk of ovarian cancer was over a 60% lifetime risk.

We talked to specialists, McMillan and my family and we knew that the risk of contracting ovarian caner increased if I still had my ovaries when I was over 35.  Also ovarian cancer is a silent killer.  Woman tend to be stage 4 before they are even diagnosed, as its symptoms are often just passed off as women's problems.   Also there is not an effective screening programme for it in the UK.

So we made the very hard decision for me to undergo surgery.  This decision was harder than the one to have the mastectomy.  My children were hard come by, I had numerous miscarriages and difficulties when pregnant with both the boys, but we always wanted more.  We discussed when we got married that we would love to have 4 children at least.  But we made the choice that it would be better to be alive for the children we already had rather than take a big risk and try for more children.

I though that I was happy with this decision and it is only since Mini has started school that I realise that I am mourning, not only by gorgeous handsome boys being at school, but I am also mourning the loss of future potential children that we might have had.  I am mourning the life I always thought I would have.

Why We Need More Male Primary School Teachers

I spent Thursday night at 9pm glued to BBC2 watching their School season, more specifically Gareth Malone's Extraordinary School for Boys.

It highlighted what is a real worry for me the feminising of teaching and the lack of male teachers in our primary schools.  According to a recent piece in the telegraph am only make up 12% of of the teachers in primary schools.

As a mum of two boys I find this a worry statistics and would love for my boys to go to a primary school where the teaching mix was much more appropriate to the society we live in.

We are lucky in the Maxi has a Male teacher for Year 1 and also had a male teacher in Preschool, but there are no more male teachers at the school and there are no male teaching assistants at all.

Why are male teachers important?

I often though that the reason boys and girls were different was due to their upbringing, but being a mum to two boys has been a real eye opener for me. I realise that they are completely wired differently and need different things to girls and I feel that we need to take this in to account when teaching them.

Boys need positive make role models, they need to be able to let off steam.  They need their differences to be embraced, but to be made to learn like girls.

Anyway back to the programme, what struck me so much was that they boys were really engaged, they interacted to Gareth and they were happy.  They were not stuck in some apathetic state.

I spent some time on twitter too and it was amazing the number of people who all agree that we need more male primary school teachers and that boys need a different approach to girls.

I am so looking forward to the rest of the program on Thursday.

The Winds of Change

Change, that words sweeps a world of emotion over me at this time. It makes me feel a little scared, a little worried, a little apprehensive for what will be, for you see my world is turning and changing.  My whole family is experiencing the winds of change.

I have lost my youngest companion, my wonderful Mini to school this week and it is a huge change in my life.

My balance is off, my sense of direction skewed and I am not sure which way I should be facing.

For you see, my child, my wonderful confident, happy child has embraced this change in his life with open arms and gone running in to the unknown to breathe in all he can.  To learn new skills, make new friends, experience new things, to learn to be still in life and to also use the life lessons I have spend the last four years instilling in him.  He makes me proud, proud that he is confident enough in himself to feel the joy of newness.

Maxi too is being stellar about the change from Reception to Year one, which is some ways is harder than the transition Mini is going through from preschool to reception.  Maxi now has a timetable, regular break times and regular lessons throughout the week.  He has more responsibilities within the class structure too.  He is relishing the changes and is enjoying being back at school. 

But for me it is harder, I put on a brave face, a happy front and will not allow them to see my feelings or to pick up on my anxieties, for these are mine not their to be concerned about.

So what of me, well I am trying to put my best foot forward and look at this change as an opportunity.  A beginning, yes the beginning of the new me.  I am still looking for part time paid work (writing, PA, sewing, anything for some extra money), but in the interim I will be going in to school twice a week and baking with the 90 reception class children.  3 children at a time, so hopefully I will have baked with them all by Christmas. 

I am going to be making biscuits with them and some of these children will have never baked before.  Many of them will think that biscuits come from a packet.  We live in Teesside, which is where the BBC predict the public spending cuts to hit hardest.

This post was inspired by this weeks writing workshop over at Sleep is for the week and more speicfically by the work that Sian, Mummy-Tips Josie, Sleep is for the Weak and Eva, Nixdminx  are doing on behalf of Save the Children

Every year almost 9 million children under the age of five die, most of them from preventable illnesses such as diarrhoea, pneumonia and malaria.

At the end of September Nick Clegg will be at the UN Summit in New York. Ten years ago world leaders set targets, called Millennium Development Goals , to reduce poverty, hunger and disease.  So please sign  the petition to get Nick Clegg to push for commitment to the targets at the UN Summit.  Lets make change happen for the people less fortunate than us.

My Top Tips for Starting School

I feel like an expert, now I have survived the first four days of both the boys going to school, so I am compiling my top tips for starting school, so I can remember them for next year (oh and look back on them after the each half term break)!


School clothes

I have the boys school clothes hung in their wardrobes in sets and they get them out the night before along with a pair of underpants and socks.  I also get my own clothes out the night before. 

School shoes

I am a big fan of the spray on protector and then we use good old leather polish.  The boys help me clean their shoes every Friday, yes it can be messy but a lot of fun too.

School Bag and Coat

We have hangers at child's eye level and I make the children hang up their coats when the come in from school.  We also have a set place for their book bags too.

Dinner Money

Many schools will accept dinner money, weekly, monthly or on a term by term basis.   I pay monthly, that way I don't have to worry about change every Monday morning.  The same with snack money.

Dates

I swear by my Organised Mum Family Calender, which runs from September until the following December and I love using the stickers that come with it.   I make sure I record the whole school years dates on it as soon as I get them.  I also record class mates birthdays etc the week before they take place so that I get cards and presents sorted.

Exercise, fresh air and sustenance is important after school

I always find that the boys behave pretty well at school (I know I am not sure who they swap them with), but they do need to let off steam afterwards, so I make sure that weather permitting we go home via the park and that I also pack drinks and a snack as the boys are always hungry (but then they are boys).  If it is raining that I will take their wellies and we can puddle jump on the way home.

Sleep, Sleep and More Sleep

I am a sticker for going to bed a decent hour, not only do the boys need their sleep, but I need my down time too.  I had to wake Mini this morning at 7.30, he had been asleep more than 12 hours!

Breakfast

There are studies that have proved that a good breakfast is key to learning.  I have to say I thought I had it covered, as Maxi is a porridge every morning boy, but Mini is another matter, getting him to eat anything is a challenge on a morning!

Don't expect too much after school for the first two weeks.

It is hard to transition back to going to school, so don't expect your children to do much after school for the first couple of weeks.  Be patient and know that they will be tired and ratty.

I would love to hear your top tips for surviving back to school after the holidays.

PS Sorry for the poor picture, Mini stood on my camera!

_linkur

I survived their first day at school

We were all prepared the clothes were names, ironed and set out last night.

Mini was beyond excited this morning, he has wanted to go to school since Maxi started last year. 

I took these images this morning and have kept myself busy today, MadDad and I are painting the kitchen (he didnt like the colour I chose and I took my upset out on him and then we went and exchanged the paint) and I have taken mum to her COPD appointment at the hospital too.

I really missed having Mini around this morning, most acutely around I0.30am at cup of tea and chat time.  But I also missed our quiet reading time and snuggles too.  However, I was glad to collect him and find that he hadn't missed me at all and he had a brilliant first day at school.

On Monday - A letter to MiniMad

You are so excited, on Monday you start the first of what will be many years at school.  It is not a big step for you as Preschool is in the same building and you have walked the register down to reception and had a lunch with the bigger children too.

You are looking forward to getting your uniform on with Maxi and taking those first steps to adulthood, but I am not yet prepared.  I am following your lead and making sure that I am excited with you and we are busy talking about your friends, your wonderful teacher (who was Maxi's last year) and school lunches.

I have written your name in your uniform and you have been wearing your school shoes for a few hours inside each day to make sure they are comfortable and you are raring to go.  To make a start on the journey that is life.  It seems such a small step for you.

But for me it is immense, for the fist time in four years, I am entrusting you to someone who will spend more waking hours in the day with you that I do, that will have more influence over you than me and Daddy will.  We know you will be safe, well looked after and secure.  Your teacher is a star, one in a million, but it doesn't stop the worries running through my head.

Not only that, but it is the start of a lifetime of pressure to conform, of people highlighting your differences and trying to fit you in to a round hole.  

Me and Daddy have discussed many times what we wish for you.  I want you to be happy, that you take life with two hands and smile in the face of adversity.  I want you to grow up knowing right from wrong, with a good moral compass and the strength to act when you see things happening that are not acceptable in life.

I want you to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin and know that I love your uniqueness and I will endeavor to instill you with the confidence to continue to be the man that you are growing into. Don't worry about your differences, embrace them, I do.

So go on Monday with that big smile on your cheeky face and the song in your heart and sing my baby, but most of all dance to the beat of your own drum.

A New Beginning

The sixth of September marks a new beginning for Mini and I.  Yes you guessed it he will be going in to Reception full time and Maxi will be going in to year one.

I have trying to make the most of this summer together as it seems like the end of an era, but I have decided that I am not going to look upon it as such, oh no this is just the beginning, the start of something wonderful.

To help the boys on their way to school Clothing at Tesco sent us a school uniform bundle of each of the boys and also a voucher for me to spend online at Tesco clothes (which I am going to put towards an outfit for The Mads).

They have also said that I can nominate another Mum for a pack too, so I am nominating Cathy at Nurturestore, who has a little girl who is starting school in September too.

Mima with Maxi

Maxi's class were lucky enough to go to Mima (Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art) on a school trip and I managed to get MadDad to work from home that day so I could go to.

Now I am not sure I will be taking the boys back just yet, but it was a great, if not a little long day.  In between looking and thinking about the installations the children did get to do some art activities, but they were not allowed to touch anything and with a group of 4 and 5 year olds you can imagine how hard it was for them.

I was very proud of all the children, they were so well behaved and Maxi's teacher is such a gem.  She really understands reception children, so after a picnic lunch on the lawn, she got her class all playing games to let off steam.

There is currently an exhibition by Anish Kapoo which tested the children's don't touch capabilities, as well as mine too. 

Fantastic sculptures and pieces, which made them think, look and really explore what art can be.

The exhibition co-insides with the opening on Tememos in Middlesbrough, which the boys have seen from the car.

I really enjoyed the day and will be going back on my own for some quality me time.

He thrived, I survived

Well today was MaxiMads first day at school. He went to the preschool at the school, but this was his first day in reception, his second time for school lunch and his first full day.

As you know if you read my earlier post, I was not looking forward to this day. In fact I was in complete denial. I was up till one labeling clothes and sorting lunch money and then slept really fitfully, finally falling into a deep sleep just before the alarm went off and slept right though it!

So we had a mad dash to get ready and then MaxiMad would not pose for a photograph and MiniMad refused to get dressed (so went in his PJ's).

He was so excited to meet up with some of his friends that we haven't seen over the summer and ran into his new classroom leaving me at the door, whereby his teacher reminded me that there was no parents to come into the class, so I was left bereft, holding on to MiniMad worrying about my eldest, who just isn't old enough to go to school (in my very biased opinion), just as I was about to turn and go, he popped out his little head and demanded a kiss good bye (that's my boy).

Me and MiniMad headed home and I held in all my emotion, until I had got him dressed and playing nicely and then I ran to the downstairs loo, which is where I go in times of need) and let it all out.

By 10.20 MiniMad was asking when were we going to collect MaxiMad. He was also joined to me with what seemed like industrial Velcro, so we set to on our Monday Home Blessing (yes Flylady again). We managed to get most of the upstairs sorted before I needed another little sob and then proceeded on eating a very strange lunch (we opted for the kitchen table).

We then cracked on and cleaned and played for the rest of the afternoon, we blew bubbles, pretended we were in a band and played at king and princess (MiniMad being the princess of course).

I decided to prepare a snack for MaxiMad's return just in case school lunch was not too his liking and also a list of open questions about his first day in Reception and off me and MiniMad went to collect him.

I was amongst all the same people who had been saying that they couldn't wait to get their children to school when someone spoke to me to point out my top was on back to front (it had been all day) I wished the ground could swallow me up.

So in I went to collect my eldest child and he bounded up to me with a great big smile on his face and his first words were "Can we go to the park mum?", so off we went.

He and MiniMad spent 30 minutes getting rid of some of their never ending energy and we came home, during those 30 mins he told me what he had for lunch (jacket Potato with cheese, crunchy carrot sticks, red pepper sticks and lettuce, a carton of juice and a biscuit), where his peg is, who he played with this morning and that he got a star for answering a question abut the storey they were reading. He also asked if he could go back tomorrow, which I think means it was a success.

I have prepared him as best I can for school and will be with him everyday throughout this journey that we will take together. All I want for my children is to be happy and it has been hard for me to hand over my precious child to someone who I don't know.

Things will get even harder for me soon, as MiniMad was due to start Preschool this month too, that I have postponed at least a month for my sanity. Had things been different with my health, I think we would have had a houseful of children. I am blessed with my two wonderful boys and cherrish everyday with them.