Thursday, 29 April 2010

Writing Workshop - Untill the next night

I am anxious, trying not to think about what might be wrong
I am trying hard to banish any worrying thoughts from my mind
To compartmentalise my health worries
Separating them from our everyday life

But I am tired, oh so tired, exhausted beyond belief
Trying hard to keep up with my boys
which I do manage most day's
But my nights suffer for it

The thoughts they run free in the dark
No longer masked by the bright sunshine of the day
They invade my sleeping hours
Leaving me no where to hide

So how do I verbalise my worries?
Will talking about them make them feel more real?
I can not give them any more power than they already have
So I will keep them to myself for now

I will the night to pass, the clock to tick forward
bringing the darkest hours before the dawn
Dawn brings me my family, my reason, my being
Giving me something to distract me

I can almost feel the apprehension gripping on to my heart
The nervousness making my tummy turn to jelly
Yes I am worried
But I refuse to allow the dread a presence during the daylight hours

And soon enough the day does come
A shard of light piercing the dark night
The tiptoe of tint feet
And great big warm cuddles making everything alright

Untill the next night .......

This week I chose prompt number 5 - Pick an emotion that best represents your state of mind right now and write creatively on that theme.


Wednesday, 28 April 2010

The Gallery - Portraits

This weeks prompt over at Sticky Fingers for The Gallery was Portraits, how apt seen as I received these from school this week.

They don't get much more adorable than this, do they?

I am so lucky to have two such wonderful children, so some special things about my boys.
I love nothing more than my morning snuggles with Mini, he often comes and joins us at some point during the night and we love it, we are cherishing the fact that he wants to be close to both me and MadDad.;;;;;I

I love the fact that tucking Maxi in to bed is always such a treat, he is usually asleep before you even get out of the room!

It is hard to believe that Mini is very nearly as tall as Maxi and he now has size 10 and a half feet!
I am so impressed with Maxi's reading, it is coming on in leaps and bounds and he gets really animated when reading to us on an evening, the four of us sit together on the sofa and really love this time.

I also really like the fact that they are becoming part of our neighbourhood and love that they are often called on to come out and play (I go up to my bedroom and watch them out the window).

I think maybe the time is coming for the stabilisers to come off Maxi's bike.  We are only holding off, as we know that what one does the other always wants to follow.

There is nothing better than coming home to two boys who make my heart sing and make most things a joy.

They both blamanche or milky jelly.  They adore making it, which couldn't be simpler.  Dissolve the jelly in a quarter of a pint of boiling water, allow to cool but not set and then add half a pint of milk, pour in to moulds then pop in the fridge 30mins later you have this....

Perfect to serve with strawberries


Tuesday, 27 April 2010

A weekend spent in the Garden

I said that I had grand plans for the garden this weekend, well the weather was mostly kind and we did manage to get quite a lot done

Onions have been planted out, 2 varieties, Red Barron and Bedford Champion.  We have also sown some spring onions (Lisbon) direct in to the bed.

Rainbow Chard has been transplanted in to the bed too, alongside side Chinese Broccoli, which is a new vegetable for us.

We have also direct sown the runner beans, peas and dwarf beans in to another bed.

The potatoes have been planted in to our two barrels.

Our Sunflowers have been transplanted too, the boys are so excited about these and can not wait for them to start getting bigger.

We also managed to move the sandboat and the playhouse, well we swopped them round,as the sand needs to get more sun to dry out, we dug the wet sand in to the raised beds and will be getting new play sand at some point.

There is still lots to do, but I have put away the other seeds for safe keeping and for the life of me can not find them!  I have also got some strawberries and tomatoes coming, which I used Tesco club card point to pay for.  Our neighbour dropped in two raspberry canes, which we are soaking ready to plant later in the week.

We didn't plant the sweet peas out yet, as they could do with getting a little bigger. 

So my plans for this week are:

Sow some lettuce in trays
Find my other seeds (spinach, Kale, Leeks) and sow in the conservatory
Sow some radish in between the rows of beans
Sow some borlotti beans in the conservatory

Me and MadDad even contemplated putting our name down for an allotment, but part of the reason I love growing so much is that I can see it, the boys can see it and I can walk out the back door and pick something for dinner.  So even if I only have 3 small raised beds, they are wonderful.


Monday, 26 April 2010

Come over and take a look at TheMadHouse Makes - Blatant Self Publicity!

As you know I love to craft and make things, whether that be with the boys or for the boys.  They have certainly brought out the creative side of me.

So in order to help fund my fabric addiction and also to try and bring in some extra money (which we sorely need -  £82 for 2 pairs of school shoes!), I have decided to start selling some things that I make.

Now I have no idea what will sell, so I am dipping my toe in the water, but I would also like to say that I can make to order should anyone wish.
So please take a look and subscribe or become a follower on my new site TheMadHouse Makes.

I am also busy stocking my Folksy Shop too, which can be found here 

So here is an idea of the things I can and have made:

Fabric table mat with place settings - £6.70 inc postage. 

Pencil rolls - £6.50 including postage

Children's celebration crowns - £15.00 including postage

Mother of Pearl button hearts - £5.00 including postage

Soy wax tea cup candle, Jasmin scented £10.00 plus £3.70 postage

Quilted Laptop/Mac book covers - £25.00 including postage

I am more than will to work with you to personalise and choose fabric, if you are interested then please get in touch.


Sunday, 25 April 2010

Spiritual Sunday - Grateful

This morning is such a contrast to yesterday morning.  Yesterday the sun was beaming in the windows, we had the doors all wide open and spent the day in the garden, but this morning it is grey, dull and RAINING, but in some ways this only makes me feel so grateful that we made the most of yesterday and really enjoyed it.

So some other things I am grateful for this Sunday.

The Rain... yes the rain.  We planted some vegetables and seeds yesterday and this rain is doing a pretty good job of watering in the raised beds.

Warm porridge with maple syrup, our breakfast of choice at the moment.
Mint leaves from the garden to make fresh mint tea with.  The docs asked me to try giving up tea for a while as it inhibits the absorption of iron, this is hard for me being a tea monster.

I am also so grateful that the boys really do seem to be really enjoying each others company and play well together at the moment.

I am also ever so grateful for whoever has nominated me in the MAD's, Mummy and Daddy (MAD) Blog Awards, celebrating the utter brilliance of British parent blogs.

Today is the last day of open nominations for the first stage of the awards, so if you haven't voted yet, then please follow this link to give your opinions and make your votes.


Saturday, 24 April 2010

Dear So and So - The Hospital Version

Dear Bolshy Horrible Young Woman in Hospital

What goes around comes around and it is no wonder that the nursing staff and consultant treated you in the way they did.  Your language was appalling, you were forever off having a cigarette and missed rounds twice, you answered your phone in front of the Consultant.  Courtesy and politeness cost nothing, even if you are in pain.  You are young, you will learn.

A very Angry Mad

Dear Nursing Staff

Thank you very much for the superb treatment I received this week, I know that you are understaffed and underpaid, but you really did make things much easier for me.  You work non stop for your whole shift and still found the time to come and sit with me and explain again about my treatment.

A very grateful Mad

Dear Consultant and sidekicks

Again a great big thank you for putting my mind at rest regarding any possible cancer and for explaining everything to me so clearly and concisely and then doing it again when MadDad visited.  It can be so hard to explain my paranoia sometimes with out sounding like a complete hypochondriac and a loon.

An OK there is something wrong, but it's not cancer

Dear Blood Donors

A huge big up to all those of you who regularly give blood, without you I would not be home with my boys.  I had four pints of some generous peoples blood and it really makes a difference, often a life or death one.  I can not put in words how thankful I am

Yours vampire Mad

Dear Mini and Maxi Mad

I know the hospital is a scary place that brings back memories of a terrible time, but I wanted to let you know that I was and am so proud of the way you behaved when you visited me, you made me a very happy mummy indeed.

A besotted MummyMad

Dearest MadDad

Well what can I say, sorry to keep putting you through these sleepless nights worrying about me.  At least it isn't cancer, we can deal with whatever it may be.  Plus you run the house and the boys better than me!

Your loving wife

If you have a Dear so and so letter then come along and link it at Kats at 3 Bedroom Bungalow


Friday, 23 April 2010

Raffle in Aid of Cancer Research

My wonderful talented and very clever friend Abi from Bub's Bears and Mutterings from the moor decided to start a raffle for one of her fantastic bears in aid of Cancer Research

The response has been overwhelming and she is well on her way to reaching her target of £200, but offers of more prizes have been flooding in, so below is a selection of what else you could win.

Prudence the chicken made by Claire

A Book of weird and wonderful short stories by Abi's husband

A Tea Cosy from Kelly

Beautiful handmade cards from Al

 A stunning cushion by Amber

An amazing reversible adults apron from Julie
A handmade button heart from me!

So please, please, please make a donation and you could be in with a chance to win.  All we ask is that your donation is over £1.


Thursday, 22 April 2010

Been In Hospital

I have been in hospital a couple of nights and had to have a number of blood transfusions due to serve anemia.  I have also had a B12 injection as I am lacking in that too.

I have also undergone a number of tests, scans and x-rays, but the doctors have not yet ascertained why I have this anemia, but I am coming home and we are going to continue investigations as an outpatient. 

I am starting to look a lot better and actually have some colour, although I do feel a bit like a vampire the amount of blood I have seen over the last couple of days.

Thankfully It look all clear on the cancer front and I will be having some additional test before the consultants decides I have Pernicious Anemia, which will mean quarterly visits to the hospital for iron infusions and B12 injections.

I am so glad to be going home, to my boys and my bed.


Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Childrens Craft Showcase - Volcano's

I dont know about your children, but my two are now obsessed with volannco's thanks to the icelandic one.

We caught them making thier own volancic ash cloud with dust and mud from the pavement and then water on Friday evening and decided that we would have a go a making our own active volcano.


Bicarbinate of soda
Hot water
Food colouring

Salt dough is optional, mine wanted their bottles to look like mountains!


Fill the bottles 2 thirds full with hot water and add a drop of washing up liquid and food colouring (to make your lava authentic!).  Add two table spoons of bicard to the warm water solution.

We popped the vinigar in to a bottle so the boys could add it themselves

So if you and your children have been busy making any crafts at all, please come and link to this page.


Friday, 16 April 2010

Looking Back - The toddler years

As my boys are growing up, we seem to be having less of those incidents that make you want to scream, you know the ones....  where everything goes quiet and they are up to something.  I have had quite a few of them.

Permanent Pen

Maxi once drew on everything with a black pen that you used on paper to make a road for a car to follow, no where on the box did it say the pen was permanent, but oh my it was, he was 20 months old and nearly didn't live to see his next birthday.  The sofa, the walls, the doors, the TV, in fact most things in the sitting room.  All done when I was putting mini down for a nap. 

He took the pen from its storage and just did it, I was beside myself and the resulting mess was unmovable from the sofa's, not even the insurance company's special "man" could get it off.  We managed to save the TV and repaint the walls etc.

I learned my lesson on this one, everything that can do damage away, not just in a cupboard but out of reach and the company now label all their sets as having a permanent pen in them!

It's Snowing Mummy

We use washing powder soft tabs from Simply Washing and I store them in the utility area (or the futility area as it is known in this house).  I get them delivered in bulk, so more often than not there is a number of boxes there.

Well the boys took it upon themselves to make it snow one day and went through the whole lot of them tearing open the boxes and the bags and opening the little tablets to allow the powder to make a snow.  I can not remember what I was doing this day, but I walked in to the kitchen to chaos.   They had started to half open the tabs and throw them at themselves allowing the "snow" to flutter down all over them and everything else in the kitchen!

Mini the amazing safe-cracker

We never had to put door locks on anything with Maxi, he never went in to the cupboards once he had been told sternly a couple of times NO, but Mini, oh my Mini is very different indeed.  More often than not he is driven by his tummy and his sweet tooth.  I have found him with his head in the fridge (having figured out the lock) more than once, with all the yogurt gone, or his fingers in the jam!

He also cracked the treat cupboard pretty fast too, we don't have many biccies etc, but I pop them in a cupboard, but mini too know how to bypass the latch.  I stopped putting things in high units or shelves, as he would drag in a chair and manage to get them.

You would think that he is starved, but I have fruit out always and they can help themselves to that anytime, but no that would be too easy for Mini!

I could also tell you about the day Maxi got in to my make up bag, hence why I no longer have one, or when mini was found in the back of my wardrobes having fallen asleep playing hide and seek, I am sure that this isn't the end of it, just the beginning .  I can not believe that my babies, have been toddlers and are now children.  Come September I will no longer have a preschooler either - wow time flies.


Thursday, 15 April 2010

I will come back to haunt you - Writing Workshop

I was hot, yes I know I was in a hospital and they are always hot, but normally the dressings clinic is OK. 

Yes the window is open, but I know that I am a little off, just not right, I can not put my finger in it and it is about to get worse.

The nurse has returned with all the things she needs to remove these stitches and I will be so glad to see them go.  No blue thread making  my chest look like a zip, no more pulling and pressure as the skin tightens around them.  I am so happy to see them go, the boys less so, there is something about the gruesomeness of it all that makes them love them so.

Anyway, I take a deep breath and hold on tight to MadDad's hand, "you might feel slightly nauseous" says the lovely nurse, I just press her to get it all over and done with.  I don't notice the pain to be honest, I am too busy concentrating on the drip of perspiration that is going to fall off my nose. 

"All done" she tells us chirpily, "you have healed pretty well, apart from one spot on the right, I am just going to get some dressings for it" and off she pops behind the curtain.  The curtain fabric that I have become so familiar with, the white one showing local landmarks, The Transporter Bridge, The Tees Barrage and High Force.

"I don't feel right" I say quietly to MadDad, "I am so hot and look my chest is so, so red".  "Lets ask to see a doctor, one of the ones that know you".  As soon as the nurse returns, I insist that I need to see my Consultant.  "He is in surgery" she tells me, so arranges for me to see his SHO Tom.  Tom is great and listens to my concerns and notes that I am a little flushed (normally I am as pale as a vamp) and also yes my chest area is slightly red.  He draws a line around the red area and disappears leaving me and MadDad behind that curtain again.

Cheerfully he pops his head back from the said curtain "I am arranging to have you admitted for observation overnight, they are just sorting you a bed".  I look at my watch it is 2pm, so I agree with MadDad that he will pop home and get me a bag and arrange for the boys to  be looked after longer and then return as soon as he can, whilst I grab my clothes, pop them on and make a hasty exit to the dressings clinic waiting area.

I grab a magazine and start to read, I am still hot, although I am getting a nice draft from the fan.  I take off my coat and scarf (I haven't removed a scarf since my mastectomy, it is a shield, it makes me feel as though I have breasts).  I am slowly getting hotter and hotter.  I ask the receptionist for a glass of water, she take one look at me and calls a nurse over.

It is 4pm and they have found me a bed, the nurse comes and asks me to follow her, I hear her voice, but my legs wont do as I tell them, I stumble.  I keep trying to get up and walk after her, but I cant and neither can I find my voice.  I see MadDad arrive in the corridor and he sees me and drops the bag and come over and gets me up.  Together we stumble to a bed.  I hear him talking to me, but I can not concentrate on the words.

MrsMad "wake up, you must wake up", "We need to find a vein now", "her temperate is 40.7 degrees, we need to strip her" and then I feel pain, pain like never before, they are holding me down and trying to get blood from my groin, I can hear a woman screaming in what seems like the next ward, but no that noise, that scream, it is me.  I feel so detached until I hear the words,"her kidneys are failing, her organs are shutting down, I think we are dealing with Sepsis"  Sepsis, that one word does it, it drags me from behind the curtain back in to the real world.  My dad died of Sepsis, I will not succumb to the same fate as my father.  What about Maxi's first nativity.

I hear myself speak, before I even say the words "Do not let me die, please do not let me die, I want to see my children grow up, I will haunt you forever if you let me die" and that is all I have to say on the subject and that is pretty much all I remember of that night.  The night when they opened all the windows on the ward (it was a chilly March night), had fans blowing on me, gave me the domestos of antibiotics, updated MadDad hourly of my progress (he had to return to the boys).

I don't remember my wounds splitting, or the discussions regarding surgery (I apparently begged them not to operate again, to leave it till my husband was with me), the waiting for an Intensive Care Bed.  That night I came the closest I have ever come to not surviving my ordeal, but my the morning I had started to get better.

I wish I could say it was as simple as that, but it really wasn't.  The sepsis left more scars, emotionally and physically that all the previous surgeries put together.  I spent 2 more weeks in hospital on iv antibiotics with a stoma bag over each wound.  The bags were replaced daily  and that was a trauma in itself, but the worst thing was watching my children suffer.  Maxi behaved impeccably and they were even allowed to remain in my room with me during meal session, but mini, poor mini.

He thought he had me back home, we hadn't expected Mummy to be whipped back in to hospital and hadn't prepared him for it and all he wanted was Mummy.  He withdrew, became clingy, stopped eating and sleeping.  Controlling the only aspects of his life that he could.  It was heartbreaking.

It has been a long and hard uphill struggle at times, but I am alive, thanks to the quick thinking of a great team of Doctors and Nurses and also my wonderful family.  With them by my side I can conquer anything.  Hard to think that this was just under a year ago,  We have come such a long way since then.

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.


Wednesday, 14 April 2010

The Gallery - Joy

Joy, I have been brought lots of joy in to my life, MadDad especially brings me more than I can ever express, but sometimes it is so hard to capture that Joy in an image.

That first day when we brought Maxi home after the hardship of getting him - Pure exhausted joy of my wonderful husbands face.

Their first bath - I went from having a baby to a baby and a toddler and MadDad made sure he was home to do all the bath-times!

The overwhelming joy of being a family of four.

That is joy on Maxi's face, pure joy at receiving a Star Wars Clone Wars Blaster - this is from a mummy that is not keen on guns!

Joy, a precious emotion that I try hard to capture, recognise and hold on to every single bit of it.


Related Posts with Thumbnails