It would have never happened with a PFB (Precious First Born)

I have a confession to make, it is time to clean my soul.  Maxi loves Hot Chocolate and had fennel tea as a baby, well Mini he loves coffee, yes coffee.  Last year when Maxi started school Mini and I would visit a coffee shop once a week when we took my mum to hospital and our treat was a decaf latte and Mini would always love to drink my foam and finish the coffee and now you guessed it, decaf latte is his drink of choice!

So this got me thinking, what other things did I do differently with Mini, than I did with Maxi (15 months age gap).

Dummy - I always re sterilised Maxi's with Mini's if dropped I just popped it back in my mouth!

Secondhand - I soon learned second hand didn't mean second best!

Having a feeding chart - yes I had one for Maxi!

Thermometer in the nursery (didn't even have a nursery for Mini, he was in with us for 9 months whist we rented).
I strapped Maxi in to the swing with mini I just used to place him in it
I used to warm Maxi's milk in hot water, with Mini it was the microwave each and every time!
I had a separate kettle to boil the water for Maxi's bottle.
I used to make sure Maxi's bib matched his outfit.

The thing is a love him just as much, it is just I relaxed a little, plus I didn't have enough time to be as precocious as there is only 15 months between the boys.

So what are your parenting secrets?

What do you do when your children are bright?

All children are unique, they are wonderful souls and a joy to be around.  But what do you do when your children are bright?  Maxi and Mini are both above average when it comes to intelligence.  I say this not as a smug mum, but as a concerned mum.  My aim for my children is and always has been happiness, for them to take life in both hands and enjoy it.  But this last week I have experienced something I never have before, Maxi has not wanted to go to school, as it is boring.

 Photo by Clinically Fed Up

So MadDad and I decided that it was time that I spoke to his new teacher and discussed what could we all do to help and an appointment was made.  I am lucky enough to have a couple of really great twitter friends who have been available to advise me on life with bright children, the wonderful Chris at Thinly Spread and also working with bright children, Julia from What will Julia Do Next?and The Heads Office.

This cleverness is not something I discuss with many people in real life, as I don't want to Maxi to be labeled or for that matter be to be labeled as a smug, self centred mother who pushes her children, but it is becoming an issue.  The few parents who go into school and read with the children have already approached me about his reading skills and one mum asked me if he was a genius (erm no, he is a 5 year old)!  I have struggled to find an outlet for my fears and concerns as I don't want them to come across as a boasting or over proud mother, who can only define herself by her children's achievements or in the slight competitive about education, which I certainly am not.

But the fact of the matter is that Maxi not being challenged meant he was board and that mean he didn't want to go to school, which in turn meant he and I wasn't happy.  So I felt I had to take this in hand and deal with it and it that means Maxi being labeled as gifted and talented then so be it.  I am concerned for the here and now, we can deal with next years education when it comes around.  I need him to want to go to school now and moving him up a year is not the solution in my eyes.  He is 5 years old, he has the social skills of a five year old and he needs to learn to deal with his talents and also with his peers to become part of their group.

So it was with great trepidation I went to meet Mr P, Maxi's teacher.  I was keen for Maxi not to become know as the pushy mothers son and lots of other analogies, but truth is, he is clever and advanced in both mathematics and literacy.

I am pleased to say it was a great meeting and I was also delighted to realise that Maxi's talents had already been picked up on and that action was going to be taken to keep him more involved and challenged throughout the school year.  We agreed on an interim action plan for the next couple of weeks (until Parent Evening) and I came home with a new reading book for Maxi (bought by his wonderful teacher) and a much better feeling about sending my child off to school.

We also made the decision that Maxi was not going to remain in the AFA (Achievement For All) scheme and would rather be moved in to a special maths group with the older children, which will be finalised over the next couple of weeks.

We are lucky in that Maxi is great at sport and hope that he can use this as an outlet to help get through school without sticking out as the clever one or the nerd.  It was how MadDad managed his intelligence and maybe Maxi and one day Mini can do the same.

I feel so much more relieved know that we are putting a plan of action in play for Maxi.  For the next couple of weeks he will be focusing on his writing ability, to enable him to move and be taught with different classes as he needs to be.  He will be focusing on spellings of tricky words, rather than reading (which he is fine with) and also some of the mathematics from later in the year, until his teacher gets his personal learning plan in place in time for parents evening before the end of term.

Photo by Clinically Fed Up

I am happy to say that Mini's needs are being catered for as he has Maxi's teacher from last year, the delectable Mrs S and she is one of the best teachers I have ever had the pleasure to meet.

I survived their first day at school

We were all prepared the clothes were names, ironed and set out last night.

Mini was beyond excited this morning, he has wanted to go to school since Maxi started last year. 

I took these images this morning and have kept myself busy today, MadDad and I are painting the kitchen (he didnt like the colour I chose and I took my upset out on him and then we went and exchanged the paint) and I have taken mum to her COPD appointment at the hospital too.

I really missed having Mini around this morning, most acutely around I0.30am at cup of tea and chat time.  But I also missed our quiet reading time and snuggles too.  However, I was glad to collect him and find that he hadn't missed me at all and he had a brilliant first day at school.

On Monday - A letter to MiniMad

You are so excited, on Monday you start the first of what will be many years at school.  It is not a big step for you as Preschool is in the same building and you have walked the register down to reception and had a lunch with the bigger children too.

You are looking forward to getting your uniform on with Maxi and taking those first steps to adulthood, but I am not yet prepared.  I am following your lead and making sure that I am excited with you and we are busy talking about your friends, your wonderful teacher (who was Maxi's last year) and school lunches.

I have written your name in your uniform and you have been wearing your school shoes for a few hours inside each day to make sure they are comfortable and you are raring to go.  To make a start on the journey that is life.  It seems such a small step for you.

But for me it is immense, for the fist time in four years, I am entrusting you to someone who will spend more waking hours in the day with you that I do, that will have more influence over you than me and Daddy will.  We know you will be safe, well looked after and secure.  Your teacher is a star, one in a million, but it doesn't stop the worries running through my head.

Not only that, but it is the start of a lifetime of pressure to conform, of people highlighting your differences and trying to fit you in to a round hole.  

Me and Daddy have discussed many times what we wish for you.  I want you to be happy, that you take life with two hands and smile in the face of adversity.  I want you to grow up knowing right from wrong, with a good moral compass and the strength to act when you see things happening that are not acceptable in life.

I want you to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin and know that I love your uniqueness and I will endeavor to instill you with the confidence to continue to be the man that you are growing into. Don't worry about your differences, embrace them, I do.

So go on Monday with that big smile on your cheeky face and the song in your heart and sing my baby, but most of all dance to the beat of your own drum.

Sunday from the Sick House

Back in the olden days there would be a black X painted upon our door this week because this week TheMadHouse has become The Sick House.

It started on Monday Night when Mini vomited in his sleep allover himself and his bedding, so we cleaned him up changed his bed and popped him back  and he went straight to sleep.  Now I have to say at this point although I vomited my way through two successful pregnancies and many unsuccessful ones, I hate sick.  I really do.

 So when he was sick again we popped him into our bed and gave up on finding any more clean bedding till the morning.  Bad mistake because he the proceeded to do it all over again in our bed - poor little man.  We eventually gave up and all huddled under a blanket downstairs for the rest of the night until MadDad gave up and went to work!

Tuesday day time he was fine, but to be on the safe side I made sure he ate only bland food, whilst I tackled the washing hockey koky  (you know the one, you pop it on the line, it rains you bring it in, the sun comes out, you put the washing out, in, out, in , out all day).

Tuesday and Wednesday nights were a repeat of Monday night except I covered all the beds with every towel we had in the house!

By Thursday evening my mum had decided to take pity on me and offered to take Mini over night and face the vomit monster.  So off round I dropped him, putting my headache down to tiredness.  Mini actually sleep through Thursday night with my Mum, no vomit at all, but alas I didn't.  Oh no I had caught the dreaded lurgy.  I spent Friday night much the same and then last night MadDad came down with it.

Maxi (touching wood) still seems fine and I am going to bleach the house to an inch of its life today in the hope of keeping him that way.

I am so pleased that school doesn't start until the 6th September.

A New Beginning

The sixth of September marks a new beginning for Mini and I.  Yes you guessed it he will be going in to Reception full time and Maxi will be going in to year one.

I have trying to make the most of this summer together as it seems like the end of an era, but I have decided that I am not going to look upon it as such, oh no this is just the beginning, the start of something wonderful.

To help the boys on their way to school Clothing at Tesco sent us a school uniform bundle of each of the boys and also a voucher for me to spend online at Tesco clothes (which I am going to put towards an outfit for The Mads).

They have also said that I can nominate another Mum for a pack too, so I am nominating Cathy at Nurturestore, who has a little girl who is starting school in September too.

Mini(isms) Part Two

Mini has the ability to make friends wherever we go, which I assume is is partly down to his generous and happy nature, but also down to the fact that he is just so............................ unique!

We went to an adventure playground the other day and there were loads of older children there, Maxi went go off and played solitary on the monkey bars etc, but Mini threw himself in to the centre of the most dangerous games with the big boys.

Often I am not partial to the conversations that take place, but this time one of the older boys came over to tell his mum about this "super little boy they were playing with".

Big Boy "He is so funny mummy, he told us he has a pet mole and his mummy is dead"

Big Boys Mummy "Oh poor thing, which child is it?"

Big Boy "That one with the curly hair and glasses"

Me "Oh that would be Mini, he is mine and I am his mother!"

Big Boy "Oh, he also said he has a brother and wants a sister and is friends with the half inside out people who live on the high street"

Me "Oh yes, that is Mini, he has a very active imagination, think nothing of it"

So this is Mini, the half inside out people are his imaginary friends call Dave and Vic.  They have been around for about a year now, although the pet mole is new to me!  He has always wanted a sister, in fact both the boys talk about how they will get a sister all the time!

But I do feel the need to shout out HE HAS A MOTHER, I AM HERE.  I AM ALWAYS HERE!

But who could resist him, he is just adorable!

Mini Makes Music

As you know the boys stayed at my mothers on Saturday night and when I went to pick them up yesterday we decided to go to the beach and have a picnic in a nearby park with my Niece.

 Little did we realise there was a council run event on at the park and it turned out to be a wonderful afternoon.

There as a wonderful couple who had a load of drums and were showing the children how to play them and Mini had a fab time.

He managed to keep in time (most of the time) and really didn't want to stop.  My niece also loved it.  Maxi decided he would rather play in the park with Grandma!

As we were leaving the chap came up to me and told me that Mini had a real talent.  I was ever so proud of him.

Bringing out the Lioness in me

Just don't go upsetting my cubs in front of me, as it will bring out the lioness in me.  She has surfaced this week and I am still upset and angry about how my boys, Mini in particular has been treated.

Every Monday there is a youth group at the local church and although I don't attend church, I want the boys to have experience of church and the fact that this is help in the church itself, rather than a hall really appealed to me, in such that it demystifies such a quiet place.

So I registered the boys and they went for the first time a fortnight ago.  They had a great time, I collected them, no one said anything to me, apart from the fact that it wasn't on last week.  

So we got all ready to go this week, after taking Maxi to the doctors.  We arrived and I apologised for being slightly late (the GP ran over, nothing unusual there) and the boys went to play with their friends, when a lady stopped Mini and told him, he wasn't allowed to stay.

She brought him to me and told me he was too young and they went insured, but there are other four year olds attending, so I questioned her and said how could mini be too young and the others aren't?  She then went on to say that it is a health and safety issue and he asked for help in wiping his bottom.  At this point he burst in to tears.  Now he doesn't ask for help at school and yes occasionally at home he will ask for us to "check" his bottom (to be fait Maci does now and again too), so I said that it was possibly down to him being in a new environment.  To which she responded "we don't want him here and I have spoke to the Vicar".  I asked her why she hadn't telephoned me prior to our coming and that this wasn't an appropriate conversation to have in front of everyone, but she wouldn't budge.  She was happy for Maxi to stay, but not Mini.

So I took both boys home with me and it then took me an hour to calm Mini down.  All the time Maxi was telling him he would help wipe his bottom if that was all that stopped them from going.  Mini wanted to know why they don't want him, what has he done wrong, don't they like him?  I managed to hold it together until MadDad got in and then that was that I was in tears telling him what happened.

I couldn't find the Vicars number to discuss this with her, I was far too angry to go back and talk to the Youth group organiser, in fact I am still so upset about the way this has been handled.

I managed to speak to the Vicar last night and expressed my concerns over the way it has been handled and the inequality of it all, but I am waiting for her to come back to me.

And I am stewing, yes Mini is hard work, yes he can be challenging, loud, he doesn't always listen, he can be cheeky, insubordinate,  naughty, downright infuriating at times, but is this the reason that they don't want him there?  What have I done wrong?  He does come across as boisterous, but he is also loving, fun and a joy to be with.  I can not believe that they have made their decision based on one session with them.  It breaks my heart and I don't want Maxi to go without Mini and truth be told, neither of them understand what the problem is.

The longer it takes the Vicar to ring me back the more I think about it and reflect on the even, they are better ways to do this, without upsetting me and my children.

Flamingoland 2010

We all had a fantastic day out at Flamingoland last week for Mini's birthday.  I used my Tesco vouchers, but was really disappointed to discover that this arrangement ends in July, which would mean that it would be £90.00 to get in to.

The beauty of Flamingoland for us, is the variety, there are some wonderful animals.  We had a great time watching the sealion show and I could watch the mearcats all day.  Look at the camels in the photo, I had no idea that they moulted their coats.

As we took the boys out of school for the day (we also took Maxi's best friend), it was pretty quiet, apart from lots of school trips.  This meant the boys got to go on lots of rides and didn't have to queue.  Mini has sprouted and could go on everything that Maxi could, which made for happy families.

There is also a fantastic splash area, so we took the boys UV suits and they had a really good cool down for an hour and half in it.  It was really upsetting to see the number of children who are not allowed to get wet.

The weather was fantastic and we had a great picnic lunch under the shade of some trees, in fact we just had a wonderful time together.

A Family of Emotions

Mini just can not control them, they are so visual, so transparent.  It is like looking at me.

I see burning red and hot orange embers.  The lava flow that just erupts before he has a chance to think about anything else.  He has no hold on them, no way to stop acting on the impulses they give him.  He has no perspective, no patience, no understanding of them.

He physically reacts, throwing, hitting, shouting, screaming, banging and crying.

He feels them in his heart, head and fists.  

To the point of exhaustion.

Maxi is comtenplative, a real thinker, he is learning to harness his emotions and to keep them in check.

He is brave and often his lower lip will tremble, when he skuffs his kness, just a little, enough for me to see.

When he is tired, then the emotions bubble to the surface.  I watch as he attemps to supress them, holding his breathm until they have to come out.

But his joy, wonder and amazement are still there for all to see.

MadDad is a happy man, a mellow fellow who lives his life with joy on his face and in his heart.  He is laidback and tolerent of nearly everything.  In all our time together I have only ever seen him angry on a few occaasions.  He always tells me that anger is such an unproductive emotion, that it doesnt solve anything, so he has learned to let it flow out of him.

He is a protective man and you can see how much he loves his family on his face, he is not afriad to show his emotions and he sets a wonderful example to the boys.

So that just leaves me, I for far too long have found that the dark emotions have been the ones that are the strongest, but I no longer allow them to take over my life.  I have learned to make the most of everything.  To look to the best in people and things.  To see the joy in the small things in life.

I am also taking part in The Frugal Families Welcome Wednesday

A Birthday with The Wiggles

Mini had a fab time opening his presents this morning.  This year is really the first year that he has understood what is happening and has been counting down his birthday since his cousins on May 31st!  He was almost too excited to get to sleep the night before!

The joy on his face for his presents was wonderful, we got him a scooter and an Uno game, but his best present so far has been his Star Wars the Clone Wars Clone Trooper Outfit from Gran.

Now the thing is my boy adores The Wiggles.  I have my mother in law to thank for it, as she was the one who introduced the boys to them and for some reason with Mini they really did just stick in his brain.

We took him to see the live last year and seen as they were live in York on his actually birthday this year, we really didn't have much of an option.

So this week we have made a bone for Wags the dog and also paper roses for Dorothy (a post on the roses to follow).  

We set off early Thursday morning and Mini and Maxi were very excited to see them. What can I say, they had a blast and because they had a blast, so did we.  We have Ernest staying with us at the moment and he enjoyed The Wiggles too.

Although I think that Ernest's Bad boy ways must be rubbing off on Mini, as he threw his drinks carton into the crowd, yes it was empty, but I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.  I was mortified.  So if you were the mum of the little boy it hit - I am sorry and I hope the blackcurrant stains come out.

We then went to Pizza Express for a treat (thanks to Tesco Vouchers) and mini spent his birthday money on a wii game.

We also went to see one of MadDad's clients Shakeaholics and the boys had a wonderful Milkshake each.

Maxi chose a smarties one

Mini a fresh strawberry one.

It is such a cool shop, they can make a shake that tastes of anything, MadDad had a Reece's peanut cups one and it was just wonderful.

And yes, we did buy the boys a tour t shirt each!  York was such a wonderful day out.

Four

There are four seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter

There are four great elements, earth, water, wind and fire

A human heart has four chambers

The forth finger is also known as a ring finger

There are four basic states of matter: solid, liquid, gas, and plasma.

There are four human bllod groups

Cancer is the 4th astrological sign of the Zodiac
Tetra the Greek word for 4

four is the only number with the same number of letters as its value  

common time is constructed of four beats

There are 4 movements in a symphony

Four rules: addition, subtraction, multiplication, division.

Four parts of a day: night, morning, afternoon, evening.
Four cardinal directions: north, south, east, west.

Last night Mini went to bed as a three year old

Today he woke as a Four year old

I see much more of myself in you than in Maxi and I know that you are learning to control your temper and emotions and hope that it can continue to develop and you learn to harness the feelings inside.

Sometimes I am filled with the fear that you will always do things the hard way and wish you could learn from my experiences.

You couldn't be more loved.

You have developed my love of books and listening to you read is one of my favorite times of the day.

You are both a mummy's boy and a dads lad.  The perfect blend.
You are independent to a fault, but you love with out compare.

You make me swing with you and skip, hop and jump.

We watch the clouds and give them names.

We sign songs making up the words as we go along.

I am your kiss and cuddle express.

Who is Mini?

The baby of the family in years, but not in size

Larger than life, you fill a room with your deep laughter

A great force of energy

A body that has to succumb to his emotions

People adore mini, he has a way to endear himself to everyone

He is cheeky with a twinkle in his eyes

A boy with words from an early age

A ferocious reader

Affectionate to a fault with cuddles for all, but especially for me

He sings from his heart and has music in his soul

His imagination knows no bounds

A loyal brother

An observer

A wonderful son

Each day I am blessed to see you grow, develop and learn.  You will me with optimism and joy and have a way of making even the sternest person smile.  You have a gift of innocence.  I will hold you tight forever.

Mini The early weeks

As I said in this post, MadDad took care of all of us for the first week of Mini's life and he was such a happy baby.  He fed well, burped like a dream or should that be a builder and went back to sleep really well after a feed.  He fitting us like a soft glove.

But the peace wasn't to last.  MadDad had commented that Mini wasn't pooing.  The midwife told him it was because he was being bottle fed and suggested we change his formula to a comfort one, which he told her we were already using (after Maxi's colic we made sure we had every angle covered).  She then suggested that he give additional water, as it was a hot summer.  We decided to mention this to the GP when she next came out to me.

She agreed that this wasn't normal and that he needed to be seen by a pediatrician and went about referring him.  The next day Mini started to vomit, it was not the standard little bit of sick after a feed, it was all his food and it was projectile and it was after each feed, so I rang the GP and she suggested that I take him straight to the hospital and she would ring and tell them to expect us.

We were admitted to the children's assessment unit and they agreed that he was getting dehydrated and they wanted him to stay overnight, but before putting in a drip they wanted to try and feed him again.  The staff were amazing, I explained that he hadn't pooped and the nurse told me to take the bed and they popped Mini in a cot next to the bed.  He was not happy at all, he was pulling up his legs and screaming and I couldn't comfort him.  So the sister decided to take him to a walk with her and told me to go to sleep.  I woke up at 6am the next day in a real pickle as Mini wasn't in his cot and within a minute the sister brought him to  me, but he was in just a nappy and she was in scrubs.  It turns out the mini screamed for 2 hours until he poos out his body weight, all over the poor sister.  not only did it come out of his nappy, but it went though all her uniform and underwear.  

He went from a screaming child to the placid baby we knew after that.  The consultant examined Mini and discovered that he had a tiny bum hole, but they were also concerned that he had other issues too.  So we were referred to a specialist at Newcastle.

3 days later MadDad and I took Mini to meet his new surgeon and to discuss the options.  As he hadn't pooed since the incident in the hospital it was decided that he needed to have urgent surgery and it was scheduled for the following day, so we went home to pack a bag and make all the necessary arrangements.  I was terrified by baby needed to have a general anesthetic and he was under 3 weeks old.  

We were not allowed to feed Mini for 12 hours before the operation, so we set off to the hospital.  I felt terrible, why was my baby suffering in this way?  We were taken to our room.  There was a double bed for me and MadDad and a bot, bath, changing table etc for Mini.  It only really hit home when we were asked to bath him and pop him in to a gown.

Our fantastic surgeon came in and tried to calm me down and decided that before the operation she was going to have another quick examination and use a special implement to measure mini's anus and have a quick probe.  As she was doing this we all heard a strange tearing sound and mini suddenly stopped crying.  The doctor removed the probe and then whoose, out cam the poo, which was like water as he had been taking lactulose to try and help him poo.  He lost 4oz in weight in less that 5 minutes and we agreed that we would postpone the surgery for a week and that I would use a shorter probe and medication (lactulose and suppositories) to see if it made a difference.

Mini just minutes before the surgeon came in

That week turned in to six months, but it meant that he didn't need an operation and I am glad to say that he no longer needs medication and our months of carrying 5 changes of outfits were all worth it.

Maxi is fine, he bowels are fine and you would never know that he went though this.  It confirmed to me that Mum and Dad always know best and we learned to trust our instinct implicitly.

He was a joyous baby, a pleasure to be with and the easiest baby in the world.