Thursday, 3 September 2009

I must be strange

I am sat this morning reading though all the blogs that I love and wondering if I am from a different planet. Everyone is posting about having free time now that the children are back to school and I am feeling decidedly different.

I am very apprehensive about school starting next week, which is why I haven't blogged about any of the preparations, as it makes it all the more real. MaxiMad will be starting Reception on Monday 8.40am to 3pm and I am bereft for so many reasons

I love spending time with my children
I love the joy and innocence that each day with them brings
I am worried that school will change him - of course it will you silly woman
I am concerned about school lunches - not the food, but the idea of my baby being big enough to carry a tray of food to his table, use his cutlery and actually be large enough to see the choices available!
I am concerned that as he is an energetic boy they will mistake his energy for disruptive behaviour.

This is all compounded by the fact that MiniMad would have been starting preschool the week after, which I have postponed for a month. I have used the excuse that having two boys both doing new things and being very tired would mean more fights and upset in the house, when in truth I have done it to minimise my pain.

People say to me "oh just think about all the free time you are going to have", but I would rather have the children about and I am sure that my half hearted " well yes there is that" and "oh I can clean out the wardrobes" have sufficed as an answer, but it just Inst what I wanted to say. I want to shout out load. I LIKE HAVING MY CHILDREN AT HOME WITH ME, IT IS WHERE THEY BELONG. I HAVE ENJOYED THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS. There I have said it!

Anyway I am not going to have any spare time at all, as times are hard financially in TheMadHouse, so I have found a part-time job. very part-time and working from home, so I can still spend my precious hours with my children.

So forgive me if I dont go on about putting labels in school uniform, getting school shoes and the like. I am in a state of complete denial and will deal with all of the fall out on Monday, once I have dropped my very precious child off for his first day of school.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Sweetheart what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I was the same when jack started, then min and now william..i was in tears this morning. He doesnt stay for lunch for a couple of weeks yet but im so worried my little man wont be able to get into his food etc but they do have great helpers. Charlie starting nursery next week isnt phasing me because its only 2 hours and i know he'll love it..but starting school is a big thing! You'll feel different when they've been there a few years hun, trust me. Big hugs my love...your boys will be fine and so will you xxxx"

Jane Fear said...

I'm with you all the way Jen, have very mixed feelings about next week, Jakey will be going three mornings a week, as will Soph (my mindee who I've had full time since she was 5 months old) but I do have so much paperwork to catch up on I don't think I'll have time to think. I have thoroughly enjoyed the holidays, most of the time I love having my kids close and doing things together and am not looking forward to next week at all. Take care, as you know the boys will be fine. Love Jane

Anonymous said...

Dont worry i feel the same as you do about starting school I dont want Michael to go i want him here with me i want him to be in my care no one elses. But its the 1st step of letting go a bit which is the hardest thing im ever going to do

clareybabble said...

Have you ever thought about homeschooling? I don't homeschool but I know of people who do and it works well for them.
I love having my children with me too. I must be one of the only mums who doesn't want the school holidays to end! x

pippa1974 said...

i was just going to post similar to above. i have dabbled with the idea of homeschooling and know many who thrive on it. Unfortunately having 4 with so many different needs i feel it wouldnt now work for us...but your words strike such a chord with me as i felt exactly the same when jack first started;it felt so wrong sending him into the big wide world so young. But he loved it!! (then!!!)
Homeschooling could well be the answer for you but as i said earlier jen, its such a big change its bound to feel odd but just wait a few weeks and see their smiles and excited chatter about what they've done and what friends they've made...its an amazing thing to witness, its like they've discovered theres more to life than what they've known so far. Sending you lots of love jen, thinking of you xxx

TheMadHouse said...

Thanks guys for all the support. We have thought about homeschooling, but the minimads are quite clever (i know everyone thinks that of their children) and will soon need more mathematically than I can give, also financially it is not an option at the moment, however, MadDad and I haven't totally ruled it out.

It is nice to know that I am not completely on my own where enjoying time with my children is concerned

The Coffee Lady said...

it's a double-edged sword, I think. I'm going insane now with days to go, but I will miss Littlest - who starts school this year - more than I care to admit.

TheMadHouse said...

I think it is the fact that both of them are growing up so fast. It is bittersweet, the end of an era. It is not very fashionable to admit it though, although I have never been in fashion!!!

The holidays must be harder once the childrenn are used to going to school, it the change - I will embrace it - on Monday!!

dottycookie said...

You are absolutely not alone. You are braver than I am to have written it down - and you've moved me to the latest in a very long series of crying sessions this week. As my husband and I walked home yesterday morning he asked me what I was going to do with my morning, and I had absolutely no idea what to say. I'll be thinking of you. It will be OK in the end.

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