Hmm

I wasn't going to use this blog to write about my mastectomy and failed reconstruction, but it is a really big part of my life and, therefore, our family's life too.

I underwent the bi-lateral prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction at the end of February this year and due to compilations had to have the reconstruction reversed. I then developed a post operative infection that very nearly killed me (sounds very dramatic, but at the time was horrific) and am just healing both physically and mentally.

I have been very lucky in that I am receiving some wonderful counselling from Tees Valley Counselling Trust to help me to become accepting of my issues and also have a very good team looking after me at the hospital.

I went to see my Consultant yesterday, who very kindly saw me at the local hospital rather than me going to the main hospital and very possibly having a massive anxiety attack. I needed to discuss with him the fact that my scaring was causing me issue with my prosthetics and could he do anything for me without putting me to sleep. It turns out that he is will to operate on me under a local anesthetic and also sedation too rather than a general - woohoo

I don't think I was fully aware of the pressure and worry that I was suppressing until we left the hospital. It was like someone had lifted a weight the size of a large house of my shoulders.

It is not going to happen for a couple of months (at least) to fit in with the MiniMads starting Reception and Preschool, but it will happen and then I can wear my prosthetics hopefully without pain.

When times are hard, I focus on the reason I made the decision to have the operation, my family. We really are a team. I think we all complement each other, enjoy each others company and prove the rule that "the whole is greater than the sum of the parts". I love my family with all my heart, they are the joy in my heart and the substance of all that I do and am.

Also I am so grateful for the wonderful people that have come into our lives because of this. I arranged for us to have a homestart worker when I knew that recovery would be quite hard and she is wonderful. She comes once a week and plays with the boys. She is a calming influence and ex-primary school teacher and a wonderful woman. We are blessed to have her in our lives, she enriches us all.

A work in progress

One of my Friends mentioned that they had used blackboard paint on the door of their playhouse and I had a light bulb moment - ding!

We used the boys birthday moneys last year to get them a playhouse and at the time painted it in two shades of green as they had requested. I also knew that we had a tub of bright blue chalkboard paint that we had used to paint the top of the small table in their bedroom, so we all set about sprucing up the playhouse.

MadDad gave the whole of the house another coat of the protective paint, I painted the door and the two front panels with the blackboard paint and also a square above the door and then me and the eldest MiniMad decided to add some decorative touches.

We have spent the afternoon adding a farm theme to the front of the house and it looks great.

I say it is a work in progress as he has decided that he wants grass and bugs up the side under the window, which we will do over the weekend if we have a sunny day. I will also hang the curtains we have made.

I had to work hard at not worrying about it being all neat and perfect and let MaxiMad do the painting, after I had done one to show him and it made me think about a saying that I love....

Being Happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect

It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. annon

Danby Village Show

Me and the boys went to Danby Village Show this afternoon with friends and had a great time. It is a traditional agricultural show and very popular, as it is set in the beautiful North Yorkshire Moors National Park and Danby is a lovely village. It was made all the nicer as the sun continued to shine.

The main event was the appearance of the Glaisdale Fox hounds in the main arena and I was really surprised by Maxi Mad as he stroked one of the Fox Hounds (he is scared of dogs). This pack has established since 1877 and now hunt within the grounds of the law.

The boys loved all the animals, especially the sheep and were lucky enough to charm one of the breeders to let them have a stoke of her Jacobs Lamb.

They were less interested in the cattle, but then they only need visit Grandad to see a working dairy farm, so I guess it wasn't as exciting for them.

I have to say it was this pigeon that I really found interesting, the poor thing looks as though it is wearing a fur collar!

Village and town shows are really popular in the North East of England and part of the agricultural lifestyle and it is something that the boys really enjoy. They love looking at the vintage farm machinery, the prize vegetables and all the school exhibitions. It is unusual for us to visit one with out the inlaws, who are part of the farming community, but it made a nice change for the boys to visit with other children their age and anyway their Grandad is currently very busy making hay while the sun shines as the saying goes.

To Tired Tuesday

No Words today, just wanted to share some of my favorite recent photo's which never fail to pick me up when I am down.

Childrens Centre Craft Afternoon

The mini's were invited to a craft afternoon at our local children's centre. It was still raining this afternoon, so along we went.

The boys had great fun as usual and went a little overboard on the glitter and all things sparkly (they take after their mum on that one)

Here is a selection of what they make, fireworks, shakers, a pasta necklace and a dragon.

There was such a variety of mums and children there, the mums who were horrified a their little darlings getting covered in paint and glue, the ones who didn't care and just left the children too it whilst they chatted (ignored them completely), the mums who got involved and helped and the mums who walked in the door and walked back out again.

I overheard one mum say that she didn't allow paint, play dough, glitter or glue in her house!!!

I have to admit it was nice not having to clean up after the boys (although we did stay and help) or prepare the craft, but do believe that children should be allowed to get dirty and make a mess. I was also very shocked that people left the art at the centre and didn't take it home with them, especially the shaker.

Stone Bugs

Today was another raining British summer day today, so we decided to paint some stones that we collected the other weekend at the beach.

The minimads have been examining bugs and lady birds lately in the garden, so I thought we could make our own colourful stone bugs.



This was a really easy activity for them and they both wishes we had collected more, so we will next time and I will varnish them and we can give them as presents to family.

They basically painted them in poster paint of their chosen colour and then let them dry.



Then they did the detailing and stuk on googly eyes.

They turned out great

Spiritual Sunday

The sun is shining again this wonderful Sunday morning and the birds are chirping. It is a glorious morning. I find it much easier to cope with the early wakings that two energetic boys bring, when the morning is a beautiful as it is today. We have already hung the washing on the line, fed the cat, birds and the day is beginning.

My Thoughts are Creative

I say out to every negative thought that comes to mind.

No person or place, or anything has power over me, for I am the only thinker in my mind.

I create my own reality and everyone in it.

have to admit that positivity is much easier when the sun is shinning, which is why I think that the summer is a great time to make changes and embrace them.