Consistency has been the Key

I thought it was about time I updated you on the MiniMad situation and I am pleased to say that we seen to be going in the right directions with the temper tantrums.

 

I have put my action list in to play and we have drastically reduced the number of incidents and also blessedly the length of any tantrums which do start.

I have not succumbed to any of my curly hair terrorists demands and as someone commented you do not negotiate with terrorists!

The main things that have made the biggest difference are:

• Setting expectations of what I want him to do.
• Counting down to when we are doing it ie 5 mins to school drop off, 2 mins, 1 min.
• Rewarding his positive behaviour with points
• CONSISTANCY

I am much more calm, he is much better behaved and Maxi, well that is another post entirely.  Part of the problem is that mini, wants to do everything that maxi can and do.  So roll on June when he can start swimming lessons and in the next could of weeks he will be starting football tots too.

Getting back in to a routine now the snow has gone has really helped too, we are going to toddlers, duckings and playdates again.

So a big thank you to everyone that commented, gave advise and gave me hope.  It has made a huge difference to our day to day life.  Cheers.

Dealing with Temper Tantrums - A response

What can I say, apart from a great big thank you obviously.  The blogging and Internet community has done it again and come to my aid.

I have had some fantastic comments on my post about minimads temper issues and one thing I am sure of it that it will pass, all of your comments has made me sure of this.  It seems that I am not alone in experiencing this and if others can get through it then so can I.

The comments were so good and insightful I felt that they deserved a post of their own, that way if anyone else is going though this, they can see them all.

I have been advised to stay icily calm by Some Mothers Do Ave Em and Pink Milk is Yummy agrees this is a good start, I am not sure I can manage icy, but I have been working on the calm. Cyrstal jigsaw confirms that this is a key point in dealing with her child too.

Emily at Babyrambles suggests a reward chart, as does Snafflesmummy and The ramblings of an everyday mummy, so I have decided to set down what behaviour will mean thatminimad gets more points and in our house points make more buying power at mummys shop.

Fraught Mummy finds that letting everyone know what is coming well in advance of it actually happening can be helpful.  So there is a constant - in 10 minutes we are going to leave to go to nursery - in 5 minutes we are going to have to put our boots on.  This is a tactic that Pink Milk is Yummy uses too.

Cathy at Nuturestore suggests having a chart detailing expectations in pictures.

So this is my action list:

• Set realistic expectations of Mini, clearly letting him know what I need and expect og him.
  
• Reinforce and reward good behaviour with points and attention
• Learn to recognise flash points and avoid them or distract mini (ie wellies, he hates wellies)
• Give timescales
• Give choices, not lots, just one or two
  
• See if I can find a physical outlet for his temper
  
• Be firm
• Be calm
• Be CONSISTANT

Some of the mummys with older children have been there and done that and just knowing that fantastic mum's like Penny, Suzie, Amberlife and Pomona have all been through similar is something of a relief.

So thank you friends for all your insightful and helpful comments.  Thank you for the support, for the hugs and for the camaraderie.  Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. 

If all else fails there is always chocolate!

Who will win the war

We seem to be fignhting a never ending battle in The Mad House at the moment with minimad.  Mothership posted today about seeing yourself in your children and it got me thinking and I finally decided to come clean about an issue we are having with MiniMad.

I have always said the mini's were headstong, their own men, independant thinking, but it is just an excuse really, just a polite way of saying, that they can be stuboarn, hard headed and bloody hardwork at times.  This stage with Maxi wasnt too bad, we were able to negotiate, distract ot tickle our way out of things, but my oh my, with Mini it is a complely different story.

Take this morning for example.  We were all up dressed, ready for the school run.  We only needed to finish our food and pop on our wellies.  For me and Maxi that was a 2 min walk in the park.  Well Mini didn't want to drop Maxi at school, so what ensured was a 25 minute tantrum of massive proportionss, which resulted in a second pair ofb rokenn glasses, me carrying him to the car, getting hit, kicked, bitten and screamed at all the way and a very sore back for my trouble.

You see if mini doesn't want to do something, then it all kicks off and our world is turned upside down.  The thing is this now leaves me cowering in the corner unable to deal with it in any sensible way.  Oh just put him on the naughty step you say, OK you try carrying a 3 and half year old tasmanian devil somewhere he doesn't want to be and get him to stay there.

Am I hearing timeout in his room - yep tried that too.  He trashes the place and I fear for his safety, in these tempers he appears to have super human strength, he has thrown his bedside drawers and the kitchen table

Hold him, restrain him, again tried it and I can not do this. I have tried on numerous occasions and failed.

You can not reason with him when he is in this state either.

I used to watch Super Nanny and think what sort of parents couldn't control their children.  I used to pity them, feel for them, but also ridicule them.  Well the truth is I am at the end of my tether with Mini.

I love him dearly, but fear what each day will bring, we were late for school this morning, which left Maxi in tears begging his little brother to get his coat on and it is not as though I can leave him in the house.

We now also have to visit the opticians and get 2 pairs of glasses mended that he has broke over the weekend.

You see I dare not mention this to my mum, as I know the response I will get "Oh that is nothing, you were a horrible child, ha ha ha"  no advise, oh no, just my mother smug that life is getting its own back on me.

Yep, I am and have been all the things that Mini is and much, much worse.  I don't think I was a very nice child and it turns out that mini is my life getting its own back, but that doesn't solve anything.  I don't want this to continue in this vain.  We need a solution, we need to work on things,  I know consistency will be the key to what every we do, but I need some help.

So parents out there, have you experienced this and if so what did you do, please help, please comment, please, please, please.  I don't want this to effect the way we are and love as a family.